After her, will I love again?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Diana, Jul 26, 2014.

  1. Diana

    Diana Well-Known Member

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    Hello! So my problem is very simple...or not. A few month ago, i broke up with a girl and we've been dating only 2 months, officially. The problem is...she was the only girl i loved and i'm really scared that i will never love again.

    Before her, i had 3 relationships and other crushes. With the other girls, I thought i was in love, i thought about them all the time and i really thought that was love and that's what people feel. Believe me...when i met this last girl, the one i broke up with, i knew that what i felt for the other girls was far from love.
    I just met this girl one day, she had a gf so i didn't try to do anything. But the moment i saw her, it struck me, like in the movies. I never believed in love at first sight, i never thought you could feel this way in one instant. But i did...and she did too, at the same moment, in the same place.
    I will not get into details cause it's a veeeery long story, but after some months, we became a couple. She had strong feelings for me, i was in love with her too. It was unreal for me, that i could feel so much for someone and she would feel so much for me. But we only lasted 2 months because even though i loved her, she was taking some pills and being high all the time and started to treat me bad. So even though i felt like dying, i had to step up for myself because she was about to drag me down. I don't even smoke and at some point, i was considering trying some pills just so i can see what is ruining my relationship.

    After the break up, we tried to stay friends but with all those feelings, it was hard. We fought, we made out, we cryed and all was a mess. Recently, i blocked her on fb, deleted her number. Because she hurt me so much 2 weeks ago (said really mean stuff and did a lot of hurtful things) that i couldn't even have her in my life again. I'm moving on now...having a lot of friends with who i hang out daily and they are helping me a lot. I saw her on the street a few days ago, she was with her new gf and i couldn't even look at her, but all my friends said that she looked sad as a puppy when she saw me. And when she passed me, she slapped her gf ass hard enough for me to hear. I don't understand why she is acting like this, what is she trying to prove, but i'm trying not to care anymore, even though i want to know what's in her mind.

    Recently, I talked to a friend of mine and she told me about her ex bf. They broke up 2 years ago and she still cares a lot about him and she told me that she thinks she will never love someone again the way she loved him. And at that point, i refused to believe that this would be my case too. I had 3 gfs before this girl, been with them way longer than i've been with her, but never really loved them. I loved...i guess...still love this girl and she loved me back and maybe still does, but she is also the one who hurt me like no other. I don't want her back, but i'm really scared that i will never feel this way again with someone new, someone who would be with me forever.

    I'm really scared that i won't get over her...or maybe i will get over her, but i will never feel the same love for someone else. Maybe it's too soon since there have been a few cute and nice girls hitting on me and i couldn't even make the effort to try and talk to them for more than a few days. I feel nothing...not even the curiousity to get to know them better. After i deleted her from my life, I had a one night stand with a friend of mine, but i did it because i knew that our friendship wouldn't change after that. But it didn't feel good...i mean, i felt great with her, but inside, i really thought that someone else should have been in her place. And after i broke up with the girl i love, a few months ago, i hooked up with 2 other ex gfs and i tried to fight the tears after sex because all felt so wrong, that i was being there, naked and with someone else touching me, someone who wasn't her.

    So...i guess i wanna read some happy stories. Did any of you feel the same? That you loved someone and thought you'll never love again but then you actually felt it with someone new? I'm only 21 years old, i don't want to have only one love in my life. I don't want to have many more, i just want to have one more and that love to be forever.
     
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  2. Anonymus

    Anonymus Well-Known Member

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    Hello Diana,

    At first I would like to say you made the right decision and whenever you think of her also think of the strong reason behind the situation. Yes its hard sometimes to move on. It could be because you haven't yet found the girl who really captures your attention or ex's memories! So, you interested in hearing happy stories :) K, couple of months back I went through break up too, the sad part is she said she loved me, I did know I cared for her and whenever I see love & affection for me in her eyes I wanted to love her the way she did too. But, I thought I didn't and I screwed up :( and I was the reason for our break up :( Its only after I lost her I realized how much I loved her & missed her! At the beginning there wasn't a day when I wouldn't stop crying continuously and stop thinking of even for a second. I don't cry so easily, its been years since I cried... I thought I wouldn't anymore however, the loss of her and the guilt of me being the reason I couldn't bare :( I have so many wonderful memories with her and I'm not ready to part from them... meanwhile I accidentally met another girl wher you expect the least, she is kind, highly caring, very polite, patient, little shy, gorgeous... :) exactly my type, we are attracted to each other soon we started talking, there is this amazing chemistry between us but, its still too soon for me...I no longer cry, could able to resist contacting my ex, she is still in my thoughts everyday which may ruin anything with this girl. I honestly told everything about us, out circumstances, she understands my situation, helping me get over the past, she makes me happy very very happy... but still I'm real careful, taking it slow, don't want to rush into anything as I did with my ex, I don't want to loose this girl with my idiotic behaviour she is a keeper & cares a lot about me. I'm damn lucky to have someone like her in my life :)

    My advise keep open mind, if she would have been your destiny or you can have life with her you wouldn't have been separated in the first place. After the decision of not going back it doesn't make sense wasting your time, energy and emotion. Keep open minded when you meet other girls. You may never know whom you will come across with!

    Good luck :)
     
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  3. TADinUS

    TADinUS Well-Known Member

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    At age 21... You are doing pretty good, and you did the right thing, such drug abuse would caused you problems. I didn't get to have the Love of my life until 40. 80% of what you posted, I went through... It HURT, but I am far better today and eventually you'll get there.

    *THERE* will be others. A friend of mine got out of an abusive relationship, took a few dates and is now in a stable loving relationship for almost a year.

    Your love for your last girlfriend was real, it won't really go away. But you'll love someone else better. The human brain isn't done maturing until the age of 25 or so and most people have learned what they want and who they are. As you hit 30, that is when stronger relationships generally start.
     
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  4. Diana

    Diana Well-Known Member

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    Hope you girls are right. I'm just really scared of the thought that I will never feel these strong feelings again for someone else, for the right one. I know that what i felt before her wasn't love so I don't want another relationship where I just care about the person but I'm not really in love. That's why I turn down these other girls, cause I know what I felt and I know that is the right thing to feel. But I also know it's hard to find it again...
     
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  5. rac

    rac Well-Known Member

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    I may not be the best person to give you an advice as I am also dealing with stuff in my life right now. But I want to tell you, it gets easier. You're still young, this may seem difficult right now but I promise you, it will get easier.

    At some point in our lives, we lose faith about finding the one - I don't really have an explanation, that's just the way life is. But like a few people said to me, she is out there somewhere, also waiting patiently for you. You're young, be patient, live your life. And one day, you'll meet that girl who will make you want to believe again and all this you're going through right now will just be memories.

    One more thing, loving someone also means wanting to be a better person; points for you for realizing soon enough that you deserve better.

    Hang in there. Goodluck.
     
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