Advice please

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by fringe_lost, Aug 11, 2015.

  1. fringe_lost

    fringe_lost New Member

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    I was in a relationship with a girl on an off throughout high school and identified as a lesbian. When I was in college, I had my first experience with a guy and since then have dated/slept with only men. I continued to consider myself bisexual (as to not discount the very real relationship I had previously--I truly loved my ex-gf and had all of my firsts with her), but never thought that I'd ever be with a woman again. I'm currently engaged to a man I've been with for several years and have every intention of spending the rest of my life with him.

    Recently, I've been having dreams/thoughts of being with women again. I would never cheat on or leave my fiance, but if for some reason this relationship were to end, I'm fairly confident I would date women. My fiance has a much lower sex drive than I do, which used to bother me, but each time I find myself thinking about being intimate with a woman, I'm almost relieved. He knows about my history with my ex-gf, but I haven't said anything to him about my more current thoughts/feelings.

    I'm not really sure what I'd like advice on, but it feels good to be able to actually voice how I feel. Should I tell him how I've been feeling? I'd also like to know if anyone can relate to this at all
     
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  2. eaura

    eaura Member

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    I can't relate, but I think it's more important to be honest with yourself about those feelings first.. If it's causing some kind of turmoil, that's something you'd need to come to terms for yourself and deal with, but it doesn't sound like that based on what you've said.. So, my other thought is, do you feel like he needs to know or do you just want to share it with him? You're human, openly bisexual, I generally think it's fine to have those thoughts, fantasies if that's what they are.
     
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  3. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think you need to ask yourself if he is enough for you.
     
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  4. sela9

    sela9 Well-Known Member

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    I may be completely off and people may roll their eyes with my response but oh well... So you say you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and that may be the case. But perhaps you are getting scared about committing your life to him and the fear of being trapped? (Totally normal getting cold feet or scared about marriage...)

    I have a few friends married to men who had dated women prior to them. I know one of them was worried about wanting to go back to being with girls eventually, however when she had an open conversation with her now husband about her thoughts that maybe she would want to hook up or make out with a girl down the road, he was okay with it and appreciated her honesty and open communication. However, since that talk has not had that desire to do so or is as worried about it since it was discussed out in the open...So who knows... My two other friends married to men love the gay scene and go out with lesbians all the time. They love their husbands and don't want to be with woman or anyone else, but they could never give up the gay scene.

    I would think about what it is you are worried about and discuss this with him, open and honest. You want to marry your best friend and grow together. By withholding this fear and just going along with everything you will blow up! Good luck and don't worry, it will all work out.
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Great advice!!!
     
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  6. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm...he has a lower sex drive than you. I think that's what has you concerned. That maybe you might have an affair if you marry him because he doesn't want sex as often as you do. If that's what your real issue is, tell him how you feel. That won't change. I have a friend whose husband doesn't ever want to have sex (personally, I think he's gay) and it's taken a toll on her because she feels unwanted. Plus, she wants to have another child but that's impossible because he doesn't want to have sex.
     
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