advice needed on closeting myself again :(

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by jos98, Oct 1, 2019.

  1. jos98

    jos98 Member

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    Hi all,

    I posted on here months ago with some advice needed with my conservative catholic middle eastern family not accepting my sexuality or my relationship with my partner.

    Things have calmed down a heap lot since i came out in terms of screaming and yelling at each other in arguments everyday, to now - dealing with my parents still accepting my relationship. They know that i'm still seeing my partner and it triggers them which triggers me and makes me doubt myself all over again and want to closet myself :( which is honestly such a hard battle to face. I have had heaps of support from everyone around me this past year since coming out things like reaching out to Qlife, seeing my psychologist every 2 weeks, my partner and friends who support me. i guess why i wanted to come here for help was to seek out how anyone with a similar experience or coming out stayed positive and strong to not closet themselves again. I have been trying to do things that will keep my mind off of negative thoughts and doubts such as , going gym, seeing the psych spending time with friends, taking time to spend with family. I have even dedicated one day of the week to pray with my mum and see a priest with her as that's what she wants and im trying to do anything to help her and anyone in the family deal with this. None of my siblings or family members are supportive of this which really breaks my heart and makes me depressed as i know if roles were reversed i would have their backs no matter what.

    I have 6 people in my family all against me who think i'm delusional. My mum who constantly refers to everything i do in life about me making the wrong decisions or dating my partner and it just makes me so paranoid and overwhelmed and sickening to hear everyday to be honest. I feel like i have so much fear in me because of whats happened and what could happen. i wish i came out when i was younger but due to my upbringing i would deny all my thoughts and just tell myself it was a phase which made me always feel confused. I came out whilst in a relationship and (first relationship) which doesn't always look good and to my parents seems like i turned for my partner because they insist and believe aswell as feel guilty that i never had these feelings before meeting my partner. I tried to express to them that i have always felt this way but they just get angry and think im defending my partner or that i am delusional. I lied about my relationship for a year and they think its because i knew deep down it was wrong, but really i was just scared to tell them. I feel insecure because of labels and how people will view me especially from all the stigma and stereotypes my family portray. They would say things to me like your only with her because she looks like a boy, or that i don't look gay enough to be a lesbian which really hurts me and want to closet myself. :( I feel like i should dress or be a certain way, and there are times where i do want to be myself whether i want to dress a certain way or look a certain way but i stop myself as i will be judged by everyone in my life.

    I know what to do in terms of staying consistent and positive but it's just so hard to actually keep it up. I was just wondering if anyone could share their advice or experiences with something similar of the sort i would really appreciate if you'd reach out to me.

    Thanks
     
    #1
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Hi, you dear dear brave person! You have been dealt quite a hand there and you don’t have any good choices. If you had not come out your family’s acceptance was just an illusion, because they did not know you. I don’t know if it helps but to add my voice to the fact that they are truly missing out on who they have in the real you. They can’t help their indoctrination and they don’t realize how mean and hurtful they are being. I hope you are in a situation where you can take a break from them. Can you? Just for a while to get your bearings? I am older and know who I am, and I know I cannot withstand such beat downs from anyone and on a daily basis. Please take care, you and your partner and don’t give up.
     
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