Advice About Friend

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Rubicon, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. Rubicon

    Rubicon Active Member

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    This is about a friend from college....I would say we're fairly close, and I'm a bit concerned about her. The thing about her is, she's very intelligent - always does well in exams (like very well, certainly better than I do...), did a lot of extra curriculars well in college, and is nice into the bargain. Her problem seems to be that she either doesn't realise it, or is uncomfortable about it. She always talks down achievements. She always seems to get quite stressed about exams, though she would never admit it.

    She always seems really tense (even when just sitting down casually.) I do question sometimes if some people are just that way, and even if they seem a bit worried, they're actually fine? My friend has always looked a bit gaunt though, and looks to have lost a bit of weight at the moment. (And for clarity's sake I'm not saying I'm worried she has an eating disorder or anything, just looks a bit more worn out than usual.)

    She is starting a new job soon and seems quite worried about that (mentioned not sleeping, the risk of failure and so on). I'm just trying to figure out, is there any way that you can communicate meaningfully with a person like that? Sometimes I just want to tell her that everything will be ok, but I'm never sure how to do it without sounding flippant or interfering...
     
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  2. Cazza

    Cazza Active Member

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    This is a tricky one, as people handle life in different ways. But it's great for her that she has a friend like you to support her. Some people can naturally be anxious and tense with how they go about things, although it's very stressful it's just how they do things. However, constantly being under stress is not really healthy and can affect the body in a number of ways. She may be feeling more tense than usual because of her new job and wanting to succeed. Perhaps she needs reassurance, sometimes this can help people feel a little bit more at ease with a situation. Maybe go out with her and distract her. Perhaps broach the subject with her or let her know that you're there to support her if she needs it.
     
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  3. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

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    Where is she from? Sometimes it's a rather cultural thing. For example, in Australia our culture is to day eg we know a little bit on the subject rather than to say we know heaps about it. It's part of what is termed the tall poppy syndrome. However, someone complimenting them is a different story, and you can say whatever marvellous thing tha you want to say!
     
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  4. Rubicon

    Rubicon Active Member

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    She's British, but I've always felt it was more of a personality thing rather than culturally based.

    I understand the idea of reassurance, but what I was wondering is, how do you do it persuasively? I always get the impression that when people compliment her she doesn't necessarily take it on board/ believe it. She seems like a mix of single-minded but insecure - it's hard to believe that those things can coexist in one person, but they appear to...
     
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  5. dot

    dot New Member

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    Yea coexistence is absolutely possible. I can empathize with your friend in that aspect, so what works for me best is verbal reassurance. Nothing over the top, but something subtle like "you always pull through somehow anyway," truly does wonders to my self-esteem. Sometimes the stress over achieving and simply staying afloat in life blinds me from the obvious. When i hear people believe in me it snaps me out of the funk and helps bring the reasons behind my overstressing into focus. Next time when you find the right moment say something comforting about the situation. Mention her strengths or whatever that will reassure her of that situation.
     
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