About falling for someone too fast

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Maroon, Nov 27, 2018.

  1. Maroon

    Maroon Member

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    I got to know someone on another platform just last week and now I find myself falling for her.. Too fast. I found myself getting easily affected with what she does and I do admit it's unhealthy for me and the both of us. I cannot get any hints of how she feels towards me though. I admit it's too soon. We live in neighboring countries. When I suggested meeting in the coming months, she doesn't sound excited about it. So I guess that answers how she feels towards me?

    Anyhow, I think I should slow down and back down a bit. How can I possibly do this?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    There is no “too soon” if you both click and feel the same way. But she is giving off vibes that she doesn’t so it is time to pull back. I’ve been there with just about any levels of relationships, I like being around that person more than she likes being around me. It helps me to realize that there had been times I probably had done so with someone who liked being around me more than I did around her. It is a sad but makes the real clicking with someone that much more amazing. Not many silver linings there but if there is one to be found then there is that. I read your advice on the other thread and I think you are really cool and probably gave advice out of things you’d gone through. Good luck to you and I hope that special someone finds you and you find her.
     
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  3. Maroon

    Maroon Member

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    Hey Greylin, thanks for replying. I do speak from experiences. And for that thread.. It happened just too many times to me. I also learnt it after reading it from one of the threads here.
    This girl here.. Well, after I posted this thread, things changed bit. For the better I hope, but it's too early to say. Sometimes I'm afraid of being too happy with things that she does to reassure me of her feelings because I may not know what may happen next. And if words in texts are just words. We planned to meet in a few months .. That is if we're actually consistent till that day nears. For now, I believe that she clearly knows how I feel about her, and it's up to her how she wants to reciprocate (or not). And if it's not meant to be, I'll learn, move and iterate.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    It is hard, sometimes, trying to tell what someone's reactions are up close and doubly so long distance. Sometimes my partner asks me something and my rusty gears are still turning in my head and while she was trying to figure out what I wanted.

    Take care and enjoy this new relationship. :)
     
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  5. Maroon

    Maroon Member

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    Hey I'm back here for words of encouragement/advise or anything else. So.. it's been just over a month that I asked this girl to be mine. But so so many things have happened in that month. I don't know from where I should begin.. but I'm thinking if I should still stay.

    She's been busy picking up her business while juggling her own health since we got together. I think her health was triggered by the stress she's having from work. When she's home, she's too tired to text and have a conversation with me and so, she goes home, shower, takes her med, and sleeps. We haven't had a voice conversation since the time she told me about her situation(picking up her business due to her ex swindling her of her money) when I asked her to be mine (so that was 5 weeks back). I know, I accepted all that and thought I could handle this.. LDR.

    I rarely share about myself with her because she doesn't asks.. and I'm not that sort who shares if I'm not being asked. So up till now, she has no clue about basic things like - how many siblings I have, my favourite color. I've tried many times telling her how I feel. And we'll quarrel. And whenever I think it's probably getting better, it went back to how it was.

    I'd initiate to meet in her city, or to ask if we could talk on the phone when she isn't working, but then she has business trips to make.. or she would postpone the call, and then not make the call at all.

    I've not been in any LDR, but she has. I don't know if this is normal. Or if there is something I should worry about. I do not feel like i'm one of her priorities. I told her sometimes I feel guilty to ask her to be mine too early, then I'd expect from her but she cannot meet it due to her situation. And her response was "It's okay".

    Often times I tell myself not to be selfish and to wait out till she's out of this mess, and to be there, be supportive even when I'm not getting much time from her, and I'm still trying .. my best.

    Sometimes, I coax myself by saying that at least when she wakes up, she texts me good morning and good night before she sleeps on most nights and sometimes she says "love u".

    But the question is... should I still stay hopeful in us?
     
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Going back and reading your first post -- which was on 27 November of this year and then in your last post you say it's been "just over a month" since you asked this girl to be yours, I'm thinking -- and I'm sorry to be blunt -- that this is a one sided relationship. You just met her, barely knew her, and then bam...are in a relationship.

    Let me explain...Long Distance Relationships take a LOT of work and there needs to be some way to resolve the long distance part at some point or else there will be a problem. Regular trips to see each other, regular communication, etc. In fact, in LDRs it seems there is MORE of an effort to communicate to help alleviate the distance issues.

    From your very first post, with her you state that she didn't seem interested in meeting you face to face; by your last post it seems to me that in 5 weeks time you have never even met her face to face at all. When you bring up the idea of meeting, she avoids your call or makes up an excuse not to meet (i.e. business trips). Not having met face to face, you also indicate that she really makes NO effort to talk to you or get to know you.

    Don't get me wrong...I KNOW what it's like to run a business and to build a business and the demands that a business takes, but the bottom line is that if she really wanted to meet you or talk to you she would. We make time for things or people who are important to us. Instead, she avoids anything of substance with you. She barely texts you, doesn't talk to you and/or avoids your calls. She hasn't made any effort to get to know you, either and this is important. Honestly, if I were in a relationship with a woman, I'd want to know everything about her. If she really cared she'd find a way to meet you.

    The short answer is...this is not normal for a long distance relationship. I'm left wondering whether you have a relationship at all -- perhaps she's just trying to be nice to you by not turning you down, or perhaps she likes the attention from you, but I do not even think for a minute that she's "IN" this relationship with you. Even "love you" is far different than the words "I love you."

    I hate to break it to you, but it really doesn't sound like she's into you or the relationship. It doesn't sound like she's yours at all.
     
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  7. Maroon

    Maroon Member

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    Hi Spygirl
    Thanks for the confirmation. The truth is, I've had my doubts that she just loves the idea of me, and not being in love with me. It's not my first time in a relationship so yes, I too believe that especially when it's the start of one, naturally both parties want to know about the other.

    On meeting up, she'd say like she would come over instead once her business orders are done.. But I'm not expecting. I know having expectations kill.

    While I did ask her if it was too fast for us to get together at that time, she said she did not think it was.. And that she said she doesn't like to wait if she's certain.

    Maybe over this one month, she finds that she cannot juggle me into this life of hers. And doesn't know how to break it to me.

    So what do I do now.. Leave? Or clarify?
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I agree with Spygirl on this one. This is you waiting too long at a cafe for someone to show up. And that person lazily acknowledges you on text saying oh hey let me finish up work, love u....

    Good that you noticed she is not that interested in things about you. She might reassure you here and there but her actions do not match and that made her words lacking.

    Time to go and find someone who has time and interest for you.
     
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