A situation.

Discussion in 'Advice (Dear AE...)' started by Hierbamate, Dec 17, 2013.

  1. Hierbamate

    Hierbamate Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2013
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Ok, here it goes. Im a little nervous writing this. I am 28 years old from a latin country. Since I can remember I had crushes on girls but never acted on my feelings. I never had trouble getting mens attention so Ive dated and dated and dated them. I think Ive watched all the lesbian movies out there on youtube. At his point of my life I know I am bisexual but never dared to explore with girls. Im too scared of disappointing my mother, she literally would die. I have told really close friends that I like girls too but they kind of don't believe me, maybe bc I have never been with one…

    So almost two months ago. I decided on finally exploring this part. I went a week to the USA to visit family and invited with me one of my really close friends. I had on my mind just exploring and finally dare to hook up with a girl to see how it felt.

    So we went out to a gay bar. There where actually much men than women there. It was a friday and I was incredibly nervous I ended up kissing probably the only straight men on the place... he dances there. Really cute but as the story of my life.. I tend to be emotionally unavailable for men. So me and my friend tell him that Im there to find a cute girl bc I wanted to kiss one but there where not any women in general there. He tells us that saturday are much better for women… So we come the next day with him as a friend to help me find a cute girl to kiss…

    So its saturday almost 1 am and I was SO disappointed that there wasn't any girl I liked… but suddenly I see the sexiest and cutest girl in the place.. Im more passive when it comes to men so I have never approached anyone in my life to flirt..... But I toke courage and a shot and started walking towards her… I was SO SO SO nervous its a joke, so I said Hi how are you?.. To my really good luck she answered and asked more questions and said: you are really pretty… and toke 100% control off the situation. Which for me was perfectOO! So suddenly she tells me she has a boyfriend. I freaked out but she said that her bf knows and doenst mind her being with girls, etc, etc… (she was 20 years old).. this is super strange to me so I said nice to meet you but I have to go… she seemed sad but that situation was too much for me.

    15 min go by and I see her dancing with her friends. she was HOT! And again I had to finish my main goal that night… so toke more courage and more shots and walked towards her again and said : hello again. She seemed super happy and started dancing with me, about 3 min pass and I tell her.. I really want to kiss you but not here… she grabs my hand and takes me to the corner.. and yes we kissed and kissed and kissed for lots of time… It was just like heaven. I got to feel what men feel when women are sooo sexy and feminine and flirtatious.. wow I was so happy!. I really liked everything about it, and she was exactly what I was looking for that night… I tend to be super objective so she tells me that she want to see me again and she wanted to give me her number.. I said that I wasn't going to call her… its rude but I was being honest bc she had a bf and we live in different countries and mainly bc I kinda just went with one thing in mind and was scared of anything more that just that night… So I said goodbye... just like that, without any feelings or anything.. I just I could stop smiling!!

    Ok, the smiling didn't lasted much… bc I totally regretted not asking for her number, she gave me her last name so with much effort I finally found her on fb! I send her a FB message like 1 week later that night.. and I haven't got any reply. I doesn't seem like she logs into FB at all. She has like 50 friends and no updates since 2011. Or maybe she is just ignoring me.. but I really had the feeling that she really liked me that night..

    The thing I want to ask for advice is if I just send her another direct message on FB? bc apparently you have to pay for direct messages… if not.. the message goes to "Other mail", instead of the normal inbox for messages and she might not see it. I mean I check my "other messages" often enough.. I didn't add her as a friend bc Im afraid she might be a freak and post something.. maybe I'm exaggerating but I don't feel comftable bc I don't know her at all! In the message I just said that I was sorry for not taking her number but that I had freaked out bc if the whole situation etc etc and that I wanted to keep in touch if it was fine for her… I feel like if I send her another another msg it would look wrong… btw I also opened a twitter account and add her.. I eliminated the account over two weeks ago bc she didn't accept it.. again it doesn't seem like she uses twitter at all.. Its so strange for me to understand that a 20 year old girl in america doesn't check her social media… seriously I think she is probably not wanting to keep contact with me… am I right?
     
    #1
  2. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2013
    Messages:
    938
    Likes Received:
    188
    As I was reading your post, I was thinking 'Wow, excellent'. You know what you want and you set out a safe situation and scenario for you to achieve it. I continued thinking you were great to say no to the number and leave the club delighted that you had a really positive experience. You achieved your goal. You wanted to know what it was like to be with a girl and what you did was a great first step and you really enjoyed it. So of course you were smiling leaving the club. Good on you.

    I think you made the right choice not taking her number. She is, like you say, with a boyfriend and from a diff country. To pursue it would most likely be messy and be filled with compromises and minor humiliations and unfulfilled wants and very little needs fulfilled. So why choose that path? You are a young girl living in a time when many more young girls are coming out and being happy with their sexuality. You have opportunities to meet someone fabulous and available and not demeaning anything you might have by also having a boyfriend. Take a self-respecting path and continue to pursue this journey in a positive way. Don't try to contact that girl again. Choose to continue to explore your sexuality in a way that is fun and positive and healthy. Would you choose to go out with a boy who had a gf? If the answer is no, please don't choose to accept so little because it's a girl in this situation.

    I'm telling you what to do so emphatically because you still have a choice in this situation. You are not infatuated or in love with this girl, so let her go and try instead to plan a trip to a gay club in your own country. Maybe a diff city or something for now so that you feel safe and comfortable. That to me, seems like a healthy positive step. Facebooking the other girl doesn't.

    Sorry to be such a bossy boots :roll:
     
    #2
  3. Hierbamate

    Hierbamate Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2013
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hi! I really appreciated your reply and wise advice since what you said made a lot of sense to me. Its just that since she was my first experience, and it was perfect I got a bit attached to it since I really don`t think I could do something like that in my hometown.
    In my life I had the chance to explore this part before since I went to college 4 years in the states and had some serious opportunities in other similar situations, but I always decided not to act on my feelings. I was so sure about it at that time... but I guess we all have different timings. What I am sure now ... is that If it casually happens again in the future... I will go for it and just let my feelings flow naturally and give life a chance to surprise me...
     
    #3
  4. sundancer

    sundancer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    67
    Congratulations on having the courage to do something that you normally wouldn't do!

    1) No, you won't be charged for 'other' messages in the inbox. I think that only applies to if the person is famous/well known.
    2) I agree with Moses, don't contact that girl again - she has a boyfriend!

    Now you know that it is ok and feels good to act on your feelings. Well done. :)
     
    #4

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice