a love story? not finished yet. sorry it is s...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by yellow4, Oct 16, 2013.

  1. yellow4

    yellow4 Member

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    It all started in 2003. Junior high. Turns out we were on the same softball team when we were 6 and 7. The coach, her dad, had a crush on my mom, which is funny because my mom thought he was cute. I seen her again, man she really grew up. I couldn’t even look her in the eyes. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my young life. I still stand by this. I can remember every song she liked, every song that came on when she was with me. I still listen to them often and always think of her and get the chills. We became friends even though I was a complete wreck in her presence. I had so much fun around her. My laugh was different when I laughed around her. Everything was different when I was around her. My main goal was to look decent, make her laugh, and not look stupid around her. My heart would pound every time she was near. I was always jealous of any boy who had the privilege of being her crush. We became really close and I got to know her family, and I loved and cared about them very much. We would always get in fights. I always tried to look out for her best interests. I didn’t let her lose her virginity to my best guy friend, mostly because she was drunk, partly because I wouldn’t let that happen in my presence. It would kill me. We even ended up dating the same guys twice. She was always really mean to me sometimes and people would always ask me why and how I was still friends with her and I wouldn’t know what to tell them. Well I honestly couldn’t tell them why except that I was in completely in love with her. I wasn’t yet comfortable with my sexuality. Flash forward our senior year she starts hanging out with gay girls. She tells me in secrecy that she is talking to a girl. This is also while she is cheating on her boyfriend with his friend. I never understood why she cheated on everyone she dated, Kind of weird, because I do the same thing. After finding out about this I couldn’t breathe. The thing I always wanted was true, the girl I had been in love with since junior high and also my best friend was into girls too. I probably thought about this every second of every single day for months until I made a move. One night we were in Florida when I decided to make a move. We had both been drinking when she got a phone call from the girl she had been talking to. She walked down the boardwalk to talk to her and my heart dropped. I wished it were me she was thinking of in that way. So, when she came inside and we lay in bed I told her I had something to tell her. She kept asking what is it what is it and I wouldn’t tell her. I wasn’t ready to share my bottled up feelings of 5 years. A few weeks down the line we were once again drunk and had to share a bed together when I had enough liquid courage to finally tell her how I feel. I had pictured this moment for a long time. I had speeches down in my head of how I would do it. But, I was once again too scared to say too much. I just told her I had something to tell her. After a few minutes of her prying, I grabbed the side of her face and told her “ILY” and then kissed her. It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever done to this day. She asked me what that meant and I said “I like you” which is a huge understatement, but I didn’t want to creep her out. Well one of my guy friends busted in on us and it was over after that. We watched baby momma and fell asleep. I thought about that night forever. The very next night, the same thing happened. It was amazing. We just kissed. It happened a few more times, and every time it did, for me at least, it was fireworks. The world stopped rotating or slowed down for those few seconds. It something I can’t put into words exactly. Any ways she first told me she wasn’t into me and week or so after. I brushed it off and convinced her I was really drunk and it wasn’t a big deal. She then gets her first girlfriend, which wasn’t a looker and turned out to be insane. I really grew to like her girlfriend at first. Everything seemed great. I had a good group of friends. We eventually started fighting because I started dating her exboyfriend. I really liked him though, a nice guy who I had a lot in common with and had fun with. We fought so hard one night and she bailed on all of us after calling me many names. I was so upset I cried a little bit. My guy friend told me not to worry about her and I said I can’t and he screamed at me, “are you in love with her or something” and I immediately said no, but I was. She didn’t talk to me for weeks after that. I broke up with my boyfriend because I missed her and knew that was the only way she would hang around me again. After that, we slowly started hanging out again. One night we were fighting over a stupid card game when we decided to talk it out. We got into her weird closet panty, we were just talking and she said she was cold, because it wasn’t really insulated in there. I offered my jacket, and she said no because she would feel uncomfortable and I, dumbfounded at the time, said don’t worry about me breaking up with him because it wasn’t right anyways. She said that wasn’t it, she said she had a thing for me. And she asked me about what would happen if she broke up with her girlfriend. Would I be interested in trying this out. I didn’t take her seriously, how could i? she was a notorious cheater and liar. Plus, I didn’t want to be that person. A home wrecker. So after that night, and me being good and not entertaining the idea, we would drunk text each other inappropriate things. We texted each other all night one night and people noticed. After her girlfriend found out, she chose being with her over trying something with me. I was too scared anyways. Fast forward after fighting and not talking for 8 months wee meet up and decide to squash things. We said hey lets just see how this goes. Well the first night we hung out we ended up making out and getting caught by her girlfriend. Things were weird after that. They eventually broke up and she started talking to someone else. In that time I met my current girlfriend. The girl I was in love with started blowing me off so my girlfriend and I became really close and started hanging out a lot. She was in the closet at the time, and so was i. after seeing her at cinco de mayo, my friend knew my girlfriend was gay. That was the night I got my girlfriends number. That was also the night the girl I was in love with drug me in a bathroom and we started hooking up then once again we got interrupted and I went home. But she always had someone on the side. There was always someone waiting for her to come over. I was like a little toy, and she would eventually just go home to the real thing. Well after a while, the girl I was in love with would always make jokes saying oh youre at your girlfriends house when I was hanging out with my girlfriend before she was my girlfriend. One night she forced me to come over to prevent me from going to my girlfriends house. It was crazy. Eventually my girlfriend became my girlfriend. The girl I was in love with and I stopped talking for 4 months. After we decided to hang out, she started bad mouthing my girlfriend saying she was ugly and that we wouldn’t last. She told me she had been in love with me since she was 18. I didn’t believe her because I don’t trust her. She also said if we ever broke up to come to her. She said she would wait. Its been like this ever since. I made out with her after my girlfriend and I became official. We have been together for over 2 years. I love her. I didn’t always believe that we would last. I never stopped thinking about the girl I was in love with. My girlfriend and I are having troubles. I always have dreams of the girl im in love with and still in love with. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I will ever get over this girl. What do I do about my current girlfriend? Also I haven’t talked to this girl in a while. We don’t hang out anymore. I miss her so much. I wish I could see her. I sent her an email explaining my feelings for her about a year and a half ago. She never responded but she brought it up a few months ago. Does this girl even love me? Or is she just keeping me for occasional entertainment. I am confused.
     
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  2. Omglol

    Omglol Well-Known Member

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    Re: a love story? not finished yet. sorry it ...

    I wish u had made this into a few paragraphs soooo much easier to read and follow.

    I read it and i gotta tell you I have mastered non judgmental thinking in my practice but I had a little hard time with this story... lol

    Blunt honest opinion? This doesn't sound like a love story, it sounds like Chaos!

    there is so much hooking up here, left or right. So much alcohol and so much cheating going around.

    I highly recommend not exploring your sexuality under the influence and or making out/hooking up/unresolved feelings/ in love with someone while you are officially with another girl. Same goes with your friend. that's where I had a hard time staying non judgmental reading your story because there is just so much cheating going on here, I hope I read it wrong or misunderstood things.

    I think everybody is using everybody. everybody seem to be unclear and confused of what they want and need.

    my advice would be to sit down and write down( for urself) what exactly is it that you want? are you really in love with that girl? what feelings do you have in ur current relationship.

    You also need to have sober serious face to face talks with ur current gf and the girl you have feelings for. Sort things out step by step. Don't be in a relationship simply because you don't want to be alone or want to make someone jealous or see their reaction.

    i am not saying ur feelings for her are not genuine tho im just trying to say it all sounds so twisted so perhaps it's time to untwist things and shed light on ur personal life/ feelings.

    good luck!
     
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