Whoa, another noob...

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Cesario Hyde, Jan 21, 2017.

  1. Cesario Hyde

    Cesario Hyde New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    ... meaning me. I'm not new to forums. Just this one.
    I live in a fairly lonely place for women like myself. The Midwest. :eek:
    Not that there aren't a lot of lesbians here. There most certainly are. Trouble is, the lesbians are generally stuck in their gender role stereotypes. I don't know if its a "bible belt" mentality still trying to wear out, or whatnot, but for someone like me, it makes things very difficult. See, I'm what one would call "neither fish nor fowl". I can be extremely effeminate one day... then extremely androgynous the next (I try to refrain from using the term "masculine" because I don't identify as such, no matter how "boyish" I may appear- that's a story in itself for another time). I am not a butch, I am not a femme. I don't exactly know (or care) what I am. On a day to day basis, my personality does not ever change. I'm the same person I always am, with or without the eyeliner. With or without the combat boots.
    This doesn't appeal to the local flock. Women will be attracted to one side or the other of me, but never me as a whole. I was in a long term, abusive (physically and mentally) relationship with a woman who ONLY wanted a butch. Then in another relationship with a woman who was butch and wanted ONLY the femme side of me. Then in a string of bad relationsips after another for similar reasons. Needless to say, after years of trying and failing at being one way or the other, I give up. I QUIT.

    So, that being said, I'm now lonelier than ever because I am refusing to try and conform to anything. And even in platonic relationships, this behavior is unacceptable. I no longer go to lesbian parties or social events or try to mingle with the community. I work and I ignore people. I don't think being a recluse is healthy at all (although I am an introvert), but I feel more disappointment and rejection from the local LGBTQ+ communities than I ever felt elsewhere :(

    Sad thing is, I'm not bad looking... I'm just not left or right. Or maybe I'm BOTH.

    So anyways. Hi. I am Cesario, Viola's alter ego. Tomorrow, I'll probably be Viola.
     
    #1
  2. Greg

    Greg Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2014
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    84
    Hello there and welcome, Cesario a.k.a. Viola. I’m a trans-gender lesbian, and I live in Maryland, but the Midwest is my favorite part of the country. (I have loads of fictitious lesbians who live there, i.e. characters in stories I’ve written.) I’m masculine on the outside, but wish I wasn’t; inside of me is an extremely femmy lipstick lebbi dying to get out. I’m really sorry about your relationship misfortunes, but you can chat with me if you just want a good buddy. I’m married to a lovely bisexual woman, and of course it already goes without saying anyone I meet on AE is a platonic friend. Most of the ladies I’ve met here are perfectly lovely, to which I aspire to be the same. Hope you find some good friends. Cheers! —GEM
     
    #2
  3. excentryke

    excentryke Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2017
    Messages:
    6
    Likes Received:
    5
    Hello, Shakespeare!

    I'm so sorry I'm not in the Midwest except for the tornados. You sound like a truly sardonic personality that would be lovely to hang out with. Honesty always wins. I feel for you as the one (nearly?) relationship I was in almost turned abusive. She loved the femme side of me, but woe betide if I wore jeans.

    Be you. Go out. If someone doesn't like you: that's her problem, not yours. Stay strong, that's all I can say.

    I hope you have good luck in the future and, if it takes awhile, know you have supporters here.

    excentryke
     
    #3

Share This Page