Two shy people...

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by Pocket, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. Pocket

    Pocket Member

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    Hi everyone, I'm new here. And I'm kinda looking for advice. It will be LONG -- sorry about that! -- as these are a few things that have happened over the course of five months, so I have a lot on my mind I want to say. I'm going to try and be as detailed and honest as possible.

    Back in August last year I started freshman year of college. I decided that I could try to reach out more to other people, to be kinder and lend a helping hand, and maybe meet some friendlies along the way. A few days into the week before classes started and having settled into our dorms, I met someone and we clicked instantly. All it took was a smile and a ‘hi,’ and we had a pretty friendly conversation that lasted for a couple of hours. We exchanged numbers, and at one point in the conversation we were talking about adjusting to life here in the dorms. Star said that she had a desk her parents sent her to set up and she didn't know how to read the instructions so, seeing an opportunity to help someone like I wanted to do in the beginning, I offered to help and she accepted!

    We spent some time there at her apartment, assembling her desk piece by piece. It was really cute because she was all flustered and kept forgetting what she was doing as she was doing it. She seemed really shy too; her mannerisms were, but she was relaxed talking. That's how it started, and since then we've been very steady friends.

    Within a month, though, I realized I started developing feelings for her. She is the sweetest person I've ever met. She is so considerate and she's a little quirky too which I find adorable. She's opened up more to me as I have to her as time went on. We know so many things about each other over just these short months that it surprises me. So many delicate moments. It feels like there is a trust between us that isn’t spoken but is nearly tangible.

    She's given out all kinds of signals. In the beginning, she was so clumsy and she would trip over everything when we’re walking some place and talking at once. There was one time she stumbled over herself and created a hybrid between two words, got confused, and then she went quiet for a moment before continuing what she was saying. It wasn't often, but she'd get tongue-tied. More recently she's sounded out of breath when we'd talked.

    From day one we've always genuinely smiled at each other, and the eye contact is always prolonged and so intense. I always catch her sneaking glances at me, but the most telling was when I had my back to her, and when I suddenly turned around I caught her staring at me from across the room, only for her to look back down as if she never did.

    She has a very subtle sense of teasing. I sent her a box once, but before I gave it to her it was open against the wall, underneath a paper-cut project and a cutout heart fell from the project and into the box. Later on she shot me a text with an image of the heart at the bottom of the box and said, “thanks for the supplies lol”. Star knows my fear of heights, while she in contrast is quite fascinated by it; we were heading up an escalator and she poked her head over the railing to look down. She knew it freaked me out... she just looked at me and smiled.. Another time at a museum on the fourth floor there was a sitting area by a window, and seeing my wide-eyed expression she looked over knowingly and slyly commented, “oh, that looks really high.”

    More and more often she'd find a way to bump into me or touch me in the most subtle ways; I was looking around, not paying attention once and she intentionally stepped in front of me and I almost knocked myself into her. While looking through a gallery together she swayed herself toward me as she passed by and casually pressed her shoulder into my chest before walking off as if nothing happened. Another time I was helping her -- I took her out to buy a mouse for her phone because the screen broke -- and we were walking to the checkout, she came from behind and bumped into me rather forcefully as she went by. During a critique in class once she positioned herself halfway in front of me again and inched herself closer until she was leaning up against me, and remained that way the entire duration of the critique.

    Before I go on, I want to put a little information on the type of person I am, as well as the type of person she is. I am a (very content) loner. I'm an introvert, and so by nature I love spending my time alone, just relaxing in quiet peace and meditation. I don't really need anyone else, I don't really reach out to socialize with other people, but in small doses I do because I like to be kind to others. I'm big on independence. To others I would appear as stoic and cold, but I honestly don't mean to give that vibe. I'm also super shy and awkward. Star is a lot like me, but she is more outgoing, and she knows how to keep a conversation. She is an introvert with extroverted tendencies. She loves having her own time, she's fiercely independent, and then she's also shy… just around me she is. I can almost say I've found a twin because we're so similar in many ways.

    Now that in mind, it starts getting confusing. We don't contact each other every single day, and though I initiated most of the time, she's slowly started to reach out to me more often which I appreciate. Some conversations are pleasant and long, some are meaningful. But sometimes I've noticed her act a little coldly. Sometimes I would feel an uncomfortable tension between us. It's like she ignores me, especially when she's with her friends, and I don't quite understand why.

    Once she left me to hang out with her friends as soon as she saw them. Another time I bumped into her at the mess hall. She saw an acquaintance from class and greeted her with a smile and a short conversation. She notices I'm coming her way and her face drops completely and she makes a beeline that cuts straight past me with the most emotionless look on her face I had ever seen, as if she was an entirely different person. She could clearly see me. It almost made me laugh because it confused the heck out of me. There are some times when I'm too shy to look directly at her, and when I do that that’s when she seems to act differently. Maybe she takes it the wrong way, that she thinks I would reject her? It's so hard for me to open up to people because I don't know how to.

    Thing is, most recently we were in class going around, critiquing drawings of things people missed from home. Well, before winter break, Star told me she was going to cuddle with her sister. That was exactly what she drew for class, and someone had guessed it was her and her significant other. Right at the mention of that, I raised my eyebrows because I was thinking, “hmm, no I think it’s her sister.” And then she looked over at me for a moment as if gauging my reaction, before answering. It was really obvious when she did this.

    Back in October, I invited Star to go to the Halloween party at the campus main building. I was not really going to go because I'm not big on parties but I love Halloween. But then I thought of her, and said hey, let's give it a try anyway. So I contacted her, and sure enough, she agreed to go. The party ended up being a little more fun with her around. Afterwards we headed back to the dorms, but then I noticed her looking at me expectantly, so I invited her to hang out at my apartment. We stayed up talking there for a few hours. That's when she admitted to me that she wasn't going to go to the party either because she doesn't like them, but after she saw my text she changed her mind and wanted to go with me because I was “someone she knew". And yet, she brought her two high school friends along with us, but we ended up alone anyway because she didn't want to keep following them around during the party. It leaves me slightly confused, not just on where I stand, but where her friends stand as well.

    There was also a small moment I noticed. They were goofing around and then all of a sudden they made a lesbian joke, and I glanced over at Star. She didn't say anything, but she looked… uncomfortable. It makes me believe that she isn't out yet or isn't comfortable with her sexuality. She seems to be torn between me and her friends, and that's a strange thought. Another thing about this is, well, I guess we're both reserved in our sexual orientation. There's nothing about our looks that identify us. The only thing is that I am comfortable with who I am; I just don’t make it a point for everyone to know that I’m interested in women. Neither of us have talked about dating, so I don't have any proof from her that she is for sure a queer woman, except from my gut feeling and carefully observing for all this time.

    I don't know, I have doubts. I've been thinking about telling her how I feel about her, but now that some time has passed something just feels off. If I say anything, would she retract further and shut me out? The answer should be clear as day, but I really don't want to scare her away. This isn't just about dating, I care for her more deeply than that -- as her friend. I have a feeling that something is stopping her.

    Regardless, I still want to help her because she is an amazing person. I'm just not sure how. Basically what I'm trying to say is that I want a relationship. I want to ask her out. But now I'm hesitant because I'm getting mixed signals from her. I admit that I’m not the most self-aware person, so I'm not sure if it's because I'm unconsciously giving off mixed signals myself. Should I learn how to open up first before anything else, or is that something you learn along the way? There are some red flags, But that's on my part -- if I'm taking things too seriously and setting myself up for disaster, and I don't know 100% if she is gay or not. I’ve put a lot of thought into this, but now am I overthinking everything? Maybe I could get some clarity on what to do.
     
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  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Going from what you've said it's hard to say exactly one way or the other whether you've found someone that's interested in you or a new friend. Does she know your sexual orientation? Has she ever mentioned anyone she's into (famous or otherwise)? You're both still getting to know each other so before leaping into an area where you're overthinking/over analysing every little thing that happens when you're together. Talk to her and get to know her and reciprocate, tell her about yourself.

    While you don't know her orientation there's no rush to declare your feelings but in the meantime you a friend that you need to get to know better. I know it's not the answer you were hoping for but I hope it helps.
     
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  3. Pocket

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    Honestly I would rather hear this than what I would want to hear instead. Because you're right, I've got to slow down and get to know her more. Now that I'm stepping back and thinking about it I think my feelings started ruling over my head, so thank you for the answer. No, she does not know my sexual orientation, nor has she ever said there's anyone she's interested in.
     
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  4. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think you need to encourage her to buy more furniture...

    Whether she will be your friend or lover, maybe it is good to let her know your orientation so you don't have to wonder if this is someone who will accept you totally. If she is your real friend, she simply should. She should also accept you and be your friend whether other people are around or not. If she is not accepting of you, then you should let other girls at the dorm know how handy you are.
     
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  5. Fix Society

    Fix Society Well-Known Member

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    YEAH! TELL HER YOU'RE GAY!

    I'm reading some major gay vibes but there's a possibility she really isn't open or is just discovering her feelings or she might be worried you're gay and is icked out or she's gay and is hesitant. Or she's really straight and likes to have fun? Really, it's kind of a lot of possibilities.

    Seems like she's got two worlds going on where she's afraid her other friends will reject her and then she's got you, the gay butterfly.

    But the least damaging route is to come out to her because even as just friends it's a relief to get that out there. And if she rejects that then boo on her, or she might be still grappling with her own feelings in which case she'll come back.

    You can reeeeaaally take it easy and go the easy route first. Don't wanna scare people, I guess.
     
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  6. Pocket

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    Actually, just today I was in class next to her and a friend of hers. I didn't catch what they were talking about exactly but I did clearly hear them, rather loudly, talking disapprovingly of someone who doesn't quite like LGBT. Still, I'll take your advice and let her know my orientation. :)

    Also, gay butterfly! Ahaha that's such a compliment! That genuinely made me laugh, thank you for making my day!
     
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  7. Fix Society

    Fix Society Well-Known Member

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    How can anyone not like the gays? But sounds like a promising lead, let us know how it goes!

    I'm glad that made your day! That's what strangers on the internet are here for.
     
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