So this is the first time I've ever really put out the thoughts in my head. I've recently been reading these forums, trying to find stories and people I can relate to but I've never built up the courage to post.... It's been about 2 years now that I've been in the process of coming out to myself. I'm 23 years old, never been in a relationship, and for a very long time I can remember pushing back the thoughts that I might be gay while also dealing with feelings of anxiety and depression. It wasn't until 2 years ago that I put it together that the depression I was feeling was coming from the fact that I was hiding things about me from so many people including myself. I had to start letting myself think about how I was feeling and that's how I've begun the process of accepting myself as being gay and changing my way of thinking. A year ago I got the opportunity to move away to another country for a year and I was so excited that this would be the best opportunity for myself to figure out my sexuality in a place where no one knows me or has any expectations of who I should be. That didn't happen. Now that the year is coming to an end and I'm heading back home, I'm exactly where I was when I left, not able to break out of the closeted and in my head person I've always been. I'm afraid I'm stuck and I'm never going to get past this never ending circle of wanting to explore my sexuality but not being able to because I'm afraid of coming out or being figured out. And now I'm heading home to my parents and family friend wanting to set me up with this "really nice guy." A set up that I know I'm going to have to avoid or brush off. I'm 23 years old. I don't want to keep putting off relationships, and although I try and tell myself to "try it out, I've never dated before so how could I know?!" I really do know that this isn't the relationship I want. I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this.. Answers, advice? I've just never been able to talk with anyone about it and it's been tearing me up inside, consuming all of my thoughts!