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Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Zuidam, Jan 9, 2018.
PS: @greylin: do not mention Linsey Vonn to CC. She's more the Julia Mancuso type ...
PS 2: @ Maroon: she's leaving next Monday.
@Zuidam I think it is so dirty pool of you to pull a cat analogy on me! (kidding)
Just want to assure you that I did not bring up the ancient 80's to make the point of how brave everyone once was. What I wanted to convey was that even when there was adversity, one's feelings can be so compelling that one has to act on it. Which brings me to your point, I completely understand your feelings of not wanting to act of this. You described the situation quite brilliantly and I understand why you let her padded her way out your door into the snow. If you have a niggle that compels you not to do something, don't do it.
Hihi… I didn‘t think about the cat analogy at all when I was writing it (too submerged in my own drama…) - but now, looking at your avatar I get it (; Yep, sorry, CC is definitely a cat. I just haven‘t figured out how to tame her …
Side news: my little sister has – quite unexpectedly - announced herself for a visit. Not the best moment in time, but it will be a good distraction having her around for a few days.
Well … Greyling & Co, afterall I think you‘ll be proud of me, at least a tiny little bit.
Last saturday, around midnight, after a rather tumultuous farewell party for CC at the mountain lodge that involved
* my little sister making friends with the wrong people
* ski instructor girl being over-familiar with CC (and vice versa)
* me trying to escape from the drama and getting lost in the forest
* SPG saving my sister from the wrong people
* princess charming trying to save me
* princess charming and me getting in an intense fight
… CC decided that she is done talking and kissed me … that lead to more kissing, eventually we also found our way home ... where the drama continued the next morning.
When I woke up, CC was already up and sitting on the stove bench. We had just started to try to navigate the uncertainties of the next morning,when it knocked and M. (CC‘s motherly friend) came storming in. I told you already that my place is one big room. So when you come storming through the door, you inevitably end up in front of my bed. Standing directly in front of me, it was clear that she didn‘t come for small talk:
„Do you know where CC is? I need to talk to her! I was in her room, but there is a girl I have never seen in her bed, it‘s not that American ski instructor.“
- Way too much information for my little brain on this particular morning. The only thing I felt need to clarify was that the „girl“ is my little sister (the night before she got drunk with the biggest pothead on the mountain. Since CC and I had dissapear, SPG eventually just took her and literally carried her down the mountain. She made him promise not to let me see her like this, so he dropped her at CC‘s …) and she is not having a thing with CC. CC feeling the need to confirm that, made herself noticeable from behind the stove. M. stepped to the side, turned around, looked at CC, then back to me, again back to CC. „oh … Oh …. OOH!“
CC felling the need to clarify: „It‘s not what you think.“ M. put up her arms in self-defense: „I don‘t think anything.“ - and then, now that she had found CC, switched to Spanish (CC is half Spanish and when the two talk, they usually speak Spanish). I don‘t speak much Spanish and wasn‘t able to follow their conservations, but what I got was that in each of M.‘s sentences held the name of the guy CC has been covering for at work and each of CC‘s sentences ended on „… blablabla, NO!“ and when I realized what this was about, I exlaimed „What, they asked you to stay?“ They both turned towards me.
M: Yes! CC: No!
M: About a months ago. (CC didn‘t say anything anymore)
Me (to CC): Why didn‘t you tell me?
CC: Why should I?
Me (taken a bit by surprised by this question): … because I‘m your friend…. because of this … I mean...
CC (interrupting me): See, this is why this would never work.
Now, M. cleared her throat, I guess to remind us that she is still in the room. „ I think this is what I think it is. I‘ll leave you two to it.“ - and left.
I took a few deep breath to try to figure out where to start to sort out this mess, and decided to start with ski instructor girl. According to CC, ski instructor girl stayed over a couple of times, but it was nothing serious. CC said she was always honest to her about that. Although she is not so sure about ski instructor… not something she gets bonus points for, but no-one is perfect...
I tried to move on to what seemed more important to me, but we didn‘t get further than the details of job offer (originally they asked her if she wanted to stay until summer, but she turned down. On Saturday, M was – last minute - trying to get her to stay until after Easter because they weren‘t able to find a replacement in time), because it knocked on the door again. This time it was my little sister, sobered up and looking for a shower, her tooth brush and a fresh set of clothes. CC saw her opportunity for „jump & run“, but I quickly started to make fresh coffe and french toast – and got her to stay. Food ... a silver bullet when it comes to CC (;
After breakfast we finally managed to have a reasonable talk, but talking is clearly not CC‘s thing. It didn‘ take long and she announced that she needs to clear her head, took her skis and left. I started to get a bit worried when she wasn‘t back by 5, but coffee lady (I had to confide in someone) reassured me that cats have seven lifes and that she‘ll be fine. Around 6, she came back, physically in one piece, but emotionally all over.
One the on hand, she made it quite clear that she wanted us to spend the remaining time together. When she walked in, my sister (at that point up to date with the situation) got up and volunteered to stay at CC‘s place again. „Yes, please!“, I tought, but I didn‘t say anything because I wasn‘t sure which way CC‘s soul searching trip had gone. Instead, I looked at CC, she smiled back and said – full of confidence - „Yes, that would be great!“ Then, 10 minutes later, she started to list every possible reason out there, why this would never work. When she reached the topic „family & kids“ I stopped her … unbelievably ... It took me the rest of the evening, more food, some alcohol and a few other things to calm her down again and to reassure her that I‘m just as scared as she is (maybe for different reasons but still scared) and that I certainly don‘t expect anything - especially not a detailed plan for the next 10 years. All I wished was that we had more time together to see where this goes, and that she would stay.
Her side: she likes me (Yeah!). In the beginning, she thought she would never have a chance because I‘m straight, and when she started to think‚maybe‘, I apparently ‚started to behave like an ass‘ … (Greylin, I know, you‘re smiling right now) and then she gave up, tried – a bit like me – to bring this to a friendly end and focused on returning to „reality“. She said, she has this long list of things in her head she needs to do (I think it goes from real-life, practical things like sorting out her living arrangements and meeting up with her supervisors to more abstract things like sorting things out with some people etc ). To some extend, I can understand her. Sometimes when you made up your mind, it can be really hard to change it, but then, this is not about chocolate vs. strawberry ice cream …
I also do not believe in trying to convince people to do something or telling them what is good for them. So I didn‘t really try to convince her to re-consider M‘s offer. She knows what I want. I made sure of that. The rest is up to her. When we said good-bye in the morning, I told her that I‘m not going anywhere anytime soon. And that she should go and do what she needs to do and figure out what she wants - and if that includes me, she knows where to find me.
She texted me when she arrived home, but since then I haven‘t heard from her. During the week it was ok. My sister left on Friday, not without making a cake for SPG to say thank you (she makes really nice cakes, and SPG is her new hero…). The weekend was bad. I really had to stop myself from calling CC… I‘m afraid she‘ll continue working on her silly why-not list, but, as I said, I don‘t want her to feel pressurized. Coffee lady is totally relaxed and thinks she will come around. M is a bit pissed with me because she thinks I‘m the direct reason why CC did NOT stay… Luckily, it‘s still busy skiing season and SPG keeps on bringing us broken arms and twisted knees … and if there is time we have coffee and miss CC together.