Love...

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Kade, Jan 3, 2017.

  1. Kade

    Kade Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Why do we choose love? Even when we know that we're choosing to willingly become so vulnerable to another human? That we're choosing to give them all the power in the world to completely leave us in such pain of heartbreak that it can feel like going cold turkey off of a drug we've been addicted to for years. That tight gripping feeling in our chest when you lose them. The sense of being lost and afraid, wounded with no physical marks on our body. Still, so many of us choose to risk all of this in hopes that the person we fall in love with, which we have absolutely no control over, will never break our trust or our spirits or our hearts. Part of me fears being so vulnerable to someone else more than death itself because I'd like to think that when death comes my way, perhaps there is an afterlife like some say, or maybe there's nothing except silence, darkness. But when we die on the inside while still trapped in these flesh vessels, it can be a numb hell.

    So why do we still choose to risk so much of ourselves? I'm interested in hearing your stories of love. Perhaps you still have faith in love, and perhaps you don't. I'd love to hear your views and opinions of my thoughts as well :)
     
    #1
  2. Canuck8881

    Canuck8881 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2013
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    16
    .....because when you're in love it feels f--ing amazing!!!!!!!!!!
     
    #2
    Emm likes this.
  3. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2014
    Messages:
    488
    Likes Received:
    484
    yeah, break ups suck and hurt and take ages to heal from.

    But getting to hear someone you love whisper in your ear 'i love you' for the first time, and the million times after that, is the purest, most amazingly blissful feeling ever.

    I'd rather have that feeling than be afraid of what may happen some other time
     
    #3
    Canuck8881 likes this.
  4. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    561
    Likes Received:
    450
    Somebody broke your heart real bad, huh?

    "Choosing" love means to take the deliberate, conscious risk to share yourself with another human. I have loved partners, friends, and mentors, and I have never regretted the honesty and connection that willingness to be vulnerable brings. Those relationships (romantic and otherwise) have not always been lasting, and some have broken my heart, but each time I allowed myself to be seen, whole and human, by another person, I learned about myself, my needs, my boundaries, what I can offer. To close myself off would have kept me safe, but not given me that opportunity. (And honestly, I've learned as much from sadness as from wild joy. You can't have sweet without bitter.)

    And without that risk, I'd have missed out on a lot of amazing conversations, midnight swims, unexpected adventures and earth-shaking sex. So there's that too.
     
    #4
    rainydaze, Emm and Canuck8881 like this.
  5. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,307
    Likes Received:
    1,376
    I have to admit, this post reads a bit like bad emo poetry. There, I said it.

    Trapped in this flesh vessel? Really?

    Blunty. Being human isn't easy. We are born in fragile bodies, that age and die. It takes us a long time to reach physical and intellectual maturity and we are dependent until we do. We are social creatures who need each other, but paradoxically, people are capable of selfishness, callousness and horrible behavior.

    Would life be easier if we were like lizards? Living solitary lives, mating just to produce young, laying eggs and leaving them, hatching already equipped with the instincts to survive. No child abuse, no mental illness, no drug addictions, no nasty break ups. Maybe this kind of life would be easier, but that is an academic question. Because the reality is that we are humans, (unless there are some cats reading this, which is possible). We are bound by human nature and have to face the realities of our psychology just as much as we have to deal with the fact that we can't just eat grass. (There'd be way less hunger if we could).

    Do we actually choose love? Or is our need for social interactions part of our basic nature. Most people get depressed (or worse) if they are totally isolated from other people. Extreme isolation has been known to drive people crazy. A few people are abile to live as hermits - but that is pretty rare.

    Love comes in many forms - platonic love like friendships, or loving family. Romantic love. And, of course, platonic but super close bffs or sisters from another mother. There is even the kind of love between a pet and owner. I argue that most humans love someone or something and that this need is inherent to our make up and not a choice.

    Losing any one of these loves hurts, be it a pet that must be put down, a grandparent who lived a good long life, a friendship that has a nasty end, or a marriage that just kind of drifts apart. Sure, some people uhaul with their love and ditch all their old friends, other people hop from gf to gf, and some avoid dating and do the cat lady thing. But almost all people love someone (or something).

    So the risk of loss is inherent in the human need for social connection.
     
    #5
    rainydaze and Spygirl like this.
  6. Kade

    Kade Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Sorry my "bad emo poetry" wasn't to your liking, miss blunt. No need to be an arse especially when you don't know what the other person is going through. I've been through times where aquaintances have written messages like "bad emo poetry" and that was the last time I ever heard from them.
     
    #6
  7. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2013
    Messages:
    561
    Likes Received:
    450
    If you need help and are considering harming yourself in some way, please ask for it directly or reach out to a resource (not an anonymous internet forum) that can give you the support that you need - family, a counselor, a hotline, etc. Hurting is part of being human, but if you are finding yourself so overwhelmed with the hurt that you feel like an "empty flesh vessel" and welcome death, it's either (a) bad emo poetry, apologies for bluntness or (b) a sign that you need some help with processing or emotional self-regulation around whatever you've "gone through."
     
    #7
    rainydaze likes this.
  8. Kade

    Kade Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2015
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you for so much.
     
    #8
  9. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2013
    Messages:
    1,307
    Likes Received:
    1,376
    If you are thinking of hurting or killing yourself, please reach out and get help - talk to a therapist, a Doctor, a Teacher, a suicide help line, or go to an emergency room.

    People on an anonymous internet forum are not really equipped to help anyone through serious issues, such as suicidal or perisuicidal behavior. This is not a mental health helpline and is not intended to be one. So if you need help - reach out in a direct way for real, qualified, experienced help. There are people who can help there and there are lots of things to live for. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

    However, if you are not thinking of killing or hurting yourself, it is manipulative to throw out vague references to suicide as a way to control other people's opinions, behaviors or reactions. I have lost several people very, very close to me to suicide. But I also have had people use (or try to use) threats of suicide to try and control others and to try and control me. If someone is struggling that badly, it is their responsibility to reach out in a direct way and get real help. Strangers, friends, aquantances are not equipped to really help with suicidal thoughts. The best thing they can do is say 'reach out to these places to get real help.' Ultimately though, it is up to the person who is struggling to decide to get help.
     
    #9
    rainydaze and lorienczhiu like this.
  10. statue

    statue Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2014
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    2
    I also think like you always...it might be because i got hurt by all the womens i met so far. To me Love is selfless, giving our everything to them, without a second thought. I never believed anyone like the way i believed her and loved her. But, when she left me for other woman, i was shattered and still searching the lost pieces..in a way The lost ME..
     
    #10
  11. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2015
    Messages:
    90
    Likes Received:
    180
    @Kade - Yes, I believe in Love! All kinds of love. It is amazing, fulfilling, heartbreaking, and gut-wrenching! It is everything, and it is what makes us human! I will never lose faith in it!

    Feel free to write about it, sing about it, inquire about it, etc.! You did ask for opinions about your thoughts, so to be fair, I think @Bluenote gave that, however blunt. I'm not sure you read past that first comment or two, though? because the rest of that post was quite thoughtful, as I find she is in her responses.

    I do think if you are suffering with a broken heart to the point you are contemplating life or death, or even to the point that it is interfering with your ability to lead a happy, healthy life, Please, please, please seek the help of a therapist, mental health hotline, doctor, resources, family/friends who can guide and support you!
    Be honest and direct about it, so that they can be clear about what is going on in your mind/heart and ways that they can help. No love relationship is worth ending your life over, I promise! no matter how strong those sad feelings are...the heart can heal and love again. find a way to do that.

    Anytime we share our creativity and ask for feedback, we open ourselves up for opinions we may not like. Don't confuse the critique of your words/work with a lack of compassion for your life. Everyone has her own taste in art, but I think you will find most here on AE are genuinely kind, concerned, and authentic in offering advice with daily struggles in relationships. Deeper, more life-disrupting issues should be addressed with professionals who can give "hands on" help.

    Sincere Best Wishes to You, and all others, as you work to gather and heal the pieces of your shattered heart.
     
    #11
  12. johnperes

    johnperes Member

    Joined:
    Wednesday
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Love is a beautiful feeling and feel like heaven on earth. When you will fall in love with someone then you will automatically realize the meaning of this word.
     
    #12

Share This Page