Lesbian "signals"

Discussion in 'Advice on Meeting Women' started by Irishgal2016, Jun 21, 2016.

  1. Irishgal2016

    Irishgal2016 Member

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    Are there any "signals" that can help me know if another woman is also gay? Is there a secret code or signal lesbian women use to publicise they are gay?

    I've just come out and my concern is that I'm going to look too straight when I go to meet other women? Is there something I can do to "signal" I am gay? (And I don't want to cut off all my hair and change my looks!).
     
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  2. Gyldenragg

    Gyldenragg Well-Known Member

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    Yes, we actually have a secret sign language that is passed on from lesbian to lesbian whenever newcomers join our ranks. To say 'how many rainbows did you pass by this morning' you put your palm facing up and then... no forget about that. Haha sorry I just had to (and it's not my intention at all to make fun or anything so hope you don't take it the wrong way!).

    We did talk about some of this in the gaydar thread. One of the others used a very good term, in-group signalling, about what you wear/how you choose to wear stuff, haircuts and many other things. That's obviously a huge indicator at times (especially if you cheekily wear something with 'yes your gaydar is accurate' on like I do on occassion...it's never really led to anything now that I think of, except my own shit-eating grin). The nail length is not a very reliable indicator to be honest, so I wouldn't look too much on that.

    It's actually quite difficult to answer, as most of it is more a vibe or attitude you give off than any specific signs. And I'm all for 'being yourself', rather than having to feel like you fit into a certain category or label. We might joke that 'omg that's so gay' but on the other hand 'we' (girls liking girls) are on such a wide spectrum of lifestyles/styles that we can't really expect to have one box to fit into which will automatically signal our orientation or the like. So my best advise to you would be to just be yourself. Go meet other rainbows. Don't feel like you have to fit a certain stereotype. If people are uncertain, just be open about it. Lower your shoulders, relax and have fun :)
     
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  3. Emm

    Emm Well-Known Member

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    Unless they're draped in a rainbow flag with a neon halo that says 'yep, I'm gay' there's no one sure-fire tip.

    Some girls it's the way they walk, their general style, how uncomfortable they look with a handbag (I'm not kidding here, it's how I instantly knew a colleague was gay), according to Subaru research their car...some girls it's way more subtle and you get the 'wow, you're gay? I had no idea' line when it's realised

    It's hard to pick someone's sexual identity completely accurately by one trait
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Please don't play stereotypes...while there is some validity to them..i.e. short nails, subaru driving, short hair, etc....you can't overanalyze this.

    If you're concerned about looking "too straight"...it seems to me that you have more issues with yourself than with finding out if others are gay. Just be yourself and look for people with common interests and/or participate in activities sponsored by lgbt groups.
     
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  5. Badkitten27

    Badkitten27 New Member

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    Just ya know walk up to a lovely lady that's caught your eye and ask " from a scale of 1 - rainbow, how straight are you?"

    Your welcome
     
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  6. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    Perhaps just casually wear a bracelet with the rainbow flag and hope she'll notice it and go from there. Anything more than that will be too pushy and even desperate if you ask me.
    There ain't anything like "too straight" , "too gay" or whatever-like we're all people and how one decides to look and act doesn't always reflect their personality.
     
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  7. ChychD

    ChychD Member

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  8. ChychD

    ChychD Member

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    As someone that can easily strike up conversations with anyone, it's usually from the vibes I get from the person that I know. If someone likes you, the person smiles for no reason at all around you, touch your hands a lot, keep eye contact, looks all over your face, etc. Excerpt this try the very traditional thing to ask! Goodluck
     
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  9. hum_dinger

    hum_dinger Well-Known Member

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    I would agree with the ladies on here saying it's about attitude. You can usually tell if someone likes you by their body language. If they seem to be super interested in what you're saying, meets your eye, maybe stands close to you, they might laugh a lot at the things you say. People who like you can unconsciously mirror your body language.

    I think it's maybe harder to know with a stranger in a bar (unless you're in a lesbian bar, in which case you might be alright) but if it's someone at work for instance you could just try getting to know them and if you feel comfortable enough naturally slip into conversation about your orientation and see what the response is. It's difficult because the person you're talking to might be the same as you where they don't know if you are gay and they might not want to give a lot away so I think you just have to give it time and get to know someone and gain their trust.
     
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  10. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    Irishgal2016 - Congratulations on just coming out! and Welcome to AE.
    Regarding how to meet other women: Do a little research in your particular town/city to find out what we gay people are doing and where we are going. Check for lesbian meetup groups. What is the closest LGBTQ community center to you?....find out and volunteer, get on their fb group, attend their events, make a donation, or advertise your business with them.
    Put a human rights campaign sticker (HRC equal sign emblem) on your car or a rainbow sticker, so you start to meet and recognize others doing the same. We will wave at you! We are very friendly that way :)
    Soon you will be meeting more awesome LGBTQ people than you would imagine....then from there you get introduced to more and more of us....and you will find out where we eat, drink, dance, vacation, etc! We are everywhere and we don't all dress a certain way or wear our hair short...although I find that adorable too! We own businesses and are your neighbors and co-workers...And if we are already coupled, we may know single available friends! We even have straight friends who want badly to introduce us to each other because they think that all gay people do or should know each other...hahahaha!!!
    Plus, if you are looking to date, lots of folks are doing that online now...where you specifically state that you are a woman looking to date other women...that is about as direct as any "signal" I can think of ;)
    Best wishes....just don't overthink it and stress about it. Stay light-hearted in your efforts to find and become part of the "community" if you can call it that. Generally, we are very much integrated into regular societal life....we are not as rare a species and as difficult to spot as some may think :)
    Keep us posted on how it is going! There are lots of good coaches on here.
     
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