Just want to come out - Muslim

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by MousetrapLover, Apr 6, 2015.

  1. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    Just wanted to update anyone reading this post.

    I found so courage and some confidence in my heart and told my parents that I am not going to Pakistan this year. Didnt give them the real reason tho. I want to wait before I make any big decisions. It took many fight and much pervasive efforts to finally have them agree.

    So right now I am neither engaged nor married nor in any days in a relationship with a man. Not that I want to be. I realized if I don't fight than I am giving up. I don't want to look back later in life and say I gave up. That's not me. I have slowly came out to more friends. Even my closest family member, my younger cousin.

    Everyday I'm going to fight. I might lose my family and I might be hurt for some time but I want to be myself not someone's image of the perfect person.

    I will keep on updating as I make progress. Wish me luck.
     
    #21
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  2. Emmarose

    Emmarose Active Member

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    Mouse trap lover
    It is wonderful to hear where you are right now and that found the courage to be true to yourself and your life -
    Yes it is the way - to be who we truly are
    All best wishes and look forward to hearing how your life progresses
     
    #22
  3. aTaurean

    aTaurean Member

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    MousetrapLover, how are you holding up?
     
    #23
  4. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    aTaurean,

    I am doing okay. Still working on coming out. All though I have came out to a cousin, she's is the only one family related however. I know coming out is not going to be easy at all.

    Recently me and my sister were having a conversation about our ideal person would be and she kept insisting that I need to choose a boy, even though I was clear out choosing a girl. She got in a fight with me and hasn't talked to me since. This was a hypothetical conversation. It fears me about when the real moment comes.
     
    #24
  5. aTaurean

    aTaurean Member

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    One of my co-worker is from Pakistan. She was born and brought up in the US. Six months ago she got married. I remember she was very stressed out about it. She did this for her family and also being the eldest daughter. On the morning of her wedding day, she went out for a run in the park, sat down in the park bench for long. She then went home and took shower, then fell asleep! She woke up to her mom shouting at her for not getting ready for her big day. Now, six months later she is not happy in that relationship.

    I write this because you do not want to end up in a life which will be merely non-existent. A married life will be fulfilling (be it with a man or a woman) only if we can emotionally connect with our better half.

    When the real moment comes, you will most likely by yourself. Conservative mentality of your family members is not going to change that soon. The only thing that comes to our help (when fighting alone) will be a job. I hope you find one soon or continue with higher education to buy yourself more time.

    Otherwise, how is life?

     
    #25
  6. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    I'm so sorry for you friend. It is a struggle when coming from such an area where tradition and honor are more valuable than happinesses. I know many women in the same situation.

    I do believe marriage requires a emotional connection. However I am also not in a place where I want to get married right now, maybe later in life.

    I personally would love to find a job but like I said honor and tradition becomes a problem. Women usually don't work in the views of my sexist family.
     
    #26
  7. laura7

    laura7 Member

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    knowing how harsh islam is, my advice would be converting...
     
    #27
  8. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    I dont personally believe in Islam but like you said Islam is harsh so telling my family that I don't believe is a mess of its own.
     
    #28
  9. Eloise

    Eloise Well-Known Member

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    I just read this thread for the first time. When is your family going to Pakistan? Is there any way you can move while they'r gone? Seriously, I fear for your life. You are an adult and no longer have to follow your parent's rules. Your father has no right to tell you that you can only take college courses online. If you move out you'll have the freedom to do what you want. It won't be easy, but if you live with roommates it'll be easier. You have the law on your side. The laws in the U.S. are clear and do not condone beating children even if they are adults. You have been brainwashed into believing that you shouldn't report the abuse because it will bring shame to your family. But, it is your family that should be ashamed for their abuse.

    Please do not come out to them. I'm worried about your cousin knowing because now you must be very careful she doesn't reveal your secret. You are not safe so don't play those games with your sister. Someone is bound to find out. If they beat you for texting, they will kill you for being gay. Don't allow them to take advantage of you. Please contact a woman's safe house and get out. Your life may be at stake if you stay with your family.
     
    #29
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  10. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    My folks are already around the world. It would be pretty easy to go and move but I also have reasons to stay. I know that sounds crazy.

    Funny thing about my cousin as I was reading you post Eloise, she messaged me asking who I'd fall for if I was to choose some from my family women (since my family just loves marring cousins ha). And I responds saying I'd rather not choose because it's just gross. So she ended up tell my her fiancé was the one asking the question who is also my family member. I know it's mess up. So I got confused at first then literally flipped out cause I did truly trust this person and they really didn't do great by my trust. All in all she ended up by telling me that her fiancé knew nothing about me or my sexuality. I still don't believe her to be honest.

    However day by day I'm gaining more confident and more comfortable with people finding out. Like my closes friends know and they couldn't be happier. A big influence is also this amazing website. It has allowed me to get in touch with extraordinary people and I don't know if I would have such strength to continue without this page. So a huge Thank You goes out to Afterellen.com and all of the great people associated with it from the writers to everyone who post or comments. Thank you
     
    #30
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  11. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    You can't let your family treat you like that. Not accepting is one thing but they DO NOT have the rght to beat you up and to harm you in any way. I do realize that some religions are way stricter than others but you're in the US-"The Land of Freedom" as they say. You have the right to be who you are and not live in fear or someone else's life because someone's asking you to do this. Don't get me wrong- I personally am not relgious and religion to me causes more harm than good (that's another topic though) but even I can say that you can live your life and be a good person. Why should it matter if you're gay?

    Try to let go of your family-try finding work to support yourself, look for a place to stay (research where you can find support or even look for LGBT shelters). You deserve to be treated like a human being.
     
    #31
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  12. Lily65

    Lily65 Member

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    huh, I know it's very hard for LGBT people in your community.
    Remember you can always get to the nearest LGBT community center for help.
    I understand you are in a hard situation as you don't want to hurt your family.
    But I fear the things will be worse once your parents come to know this. But, I have read stories of people suppressing their sexuality and living married. Their lives weren't happy.
    I don't intent to scare you. You should think about yourself, your likes and dislikes.
    The world is open to all possibilities. But to choose is up to you.
    I wish you have a life a beautiful life that you want.
     
    #32
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  13. MousetrapLover

    MousetrapLover Active Member

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    Hey everybody! Wanted to give you a huge update. I finally left my family. I'm currently out and safe. I'm living my life the way I want. Still having struggles as my family is actively looking for me. However I am madly in love with my girlfriend. Shes wonderful. I've left my family this year. And honestly I have been happier. I am finding myself and remembered that Afterellen was the first community I reached out to. I had to give you guys the update. So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
     
    #33

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