Is she straight or may be a bit bi-curious ?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by TarynP, Jul 13, 2017.

  1. TarynP

    TarynP Member

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    I am writing this to you because I don't have any lesbian friends who have experiences in online dating. And, all those that have experienced are my straight female friends. In this case, it would be very appreciated if I can get any advice on how to deal with my date. I hesitate to ask her, and none of my friends suggest me to do.

    I have met a girl from an online dating app. She said hi to me, and always made the first move at first. We have texted each other for a month or two. I have used many dating apps for the past several years but doesn't have any success, which means I have never actually met any girls from the internet in real life. She is the first one. Everything seemed to be very good at the first date. At the end of the day, she asked me out the next day to the beach with her. I went there and everything was also wonderful (except that I was very tired and nearly fell asleep in her car).

    After the second date, we have not texted each other more than before. We usually text each other like once in two days. But, many times when I invited her to something she keeps saying "Yes, I interested in it", but not really confirm the decision and ended up not coming anyway. And sometimes she went to other places instead, which is shown on Instagram. However, I know we are not girlfriends so that is totally her rights.

    But that triggered me to do a bit "research" about her, which gave me a curiosity if she is gay or even queer. Because there is no gay-relate content in her Instagram/Twitter/tumblr! On the third date, I asked to add her on Facebook. On her Facebook, she put "interested in men" right there openly. My friends's opinions separted into two group; it is an old status, and she is using me. The thing is that my best friend, who is not gay, also does the same, but opposite with the sexuality. She put up the status that she was in love with a girl. She did that long time ago and has never go back to change it so she told me that maybe this girl has done it long time ago and just forget about it since. Another perspective is she is just a lonely girl. She probably is still straight but want to try and it is easier to hangout with another girl. Fortunately for her, I, whose look is totally femme and normal, is easy to hang out with and has many free time for her at this moment.

    I also acknowledge that lately, she didn't care much what is going on with me except texting me to go somewhere with her. Or maybe this is what the normal step of online dating is, like how often can you text to just ask how's your day going and keep the conversation of that go on?--we are all bored that question at some point, right? Anyway, I also have no clue. How should it be when you date someone from the internet? What do you do? If I text her too much then I am afraid it will be annoying; however, if this girl likes me but still used to the way she dates a guy maybe that is why she kinda has that girl's idea of dating.


    I'm confused with this person. I stopped texting her for days, then she texted me back asked me to go out with her again. !!! ( Note that it's not everytime I say yes, but mostly, like 90%. ;-/)

    What do you think?
     
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    Last edited: Jul 13, 2017
  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I would say it does not matter really what her sexuality is if she is slippery about keeping dates. I am more confused that she is texting you for dates still when she'd been getting out of them after a couple of dates. I know you want to figure out what went wrong but I would not pin it on anything. I have friends that I want to keep up with all the time so she is not even quite at that level. I would move on and spend no more energy on her. I am so sorry online dating is not getting you anywhere, I think there is a section about meeting women in these forums and someone there may have more info. Or maybe you might even meet someone there to hang with, if not for dating, you could be each other's wing women. Good luck to you. :)
     
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    Last edited: Jul 13, 2017
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  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member

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    Yep, don't worry about what fb says. texting is all very good but if she doesn't meet you for dates you're technically not dating you're just texting. Online dating is a chore, you have to cast a wide net and trawl through a number of unsuitable people before you get anywhere. If you like her, go on more dates, if all this wondering is sending you round the bend, move on to someone who is a better fit.
     
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  4. TarynP

    TarynP Member

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    Sorry can you explain what do you mean by she is not even quite at that level. (?) Anyway, she will come out when the thing I invited her is really interesting to her, thus, that makes me curious if this can be called "a date"(?). Because, you know, it is like she wants to come because of the event not me. The rest, like I said, she keeps saying she interested in it, but not actually make it happen. However, we just started so in your opinion is it a bad sign that we don't text each other much. ?

    Also, if I put this topic in a wrong section, I am sorry.
     
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  5. TarynP

    TarynP Member

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    Hahaha. Yeah that is also a point. I don't know if I can call this a date. I would love to call all these times we met that we have done dating, but like the signal was so blur. There were only few normal touches happened like, friends' touch, but that maybe because we both are not touchy people. Who knows?! And yeah I do like her, but I do not want to be fooled by straight girl. I am trying to date other girls now, and see if these online dating things are so confusing like this one or not. Thank you !
     
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  6. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Sorry that was clear as mud, wasn't it? So, how many times had you gone out? I just meant the level of communications is less than mine with my some of my platonic friends. We talk a lot more and are interested in each other's lives. Well, just about anyone would beg out of activities she is not interested in, so that is not so unusual. Does she ask you about your life, your interests? The frequency is a good metric but more important metric would be what she shares with you and wants to know about you. I don't think you are feeling it from her and that is why you were giving her fb a looksie, yes? Well, as your answer to Nancy is already indicating your wish to cast your net elsewhere, and it sounds like a good plan.
     
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  7. TarynP

    TarynP Member

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    I thought I would leave this topic ended, but then I realized that I also like reading other people's stories. I learned from theirs and applied them to mine, so why not give mine to the community. Thank you for all the support, although it is just a continued story not a happy ending one (yet?).

    So here is an update:

    I am about to leave the town for a long time and I decided that I cannot stay that long without an answer. Thus, I asked her out for dinner. I carefully picked a restaurant and she loved it. I waited until she had finished her dinner, then I asked her what she thinks about this. She spoke out the answer right away that she likes me too, and sees all these times as "dating". We talked more on this subject, and I asked her why did she put that status on her Facebook. She replied that she dated men before because they interested in her so she just went with the flow. She thinks she might be bisexual. The conversation atmosphere went better and I could feel that we are closer to each other emotionally. At the end of the date, she kissed me... on my cheek. I didn't prepare, and was too shy to kiss back. But, I was so happy and at this point I am now really into her, unlike before. ...(oh no! [*()* !] )

    Here is my worry, I came from a different culture where people intimated action on a date is a bit different from here. I learned that people here make out quicker and use it as a proof if someone is really into you or not.

    After that date she also went out of town for a short vacation, and I have never received a text from her since. She replied when I sent her some, but very short. I am pretty sure she is with her phone because of all the social media updates. When I dated other girls, we usually sent text often and wanted to tell our stories. It seems like after we actually met, although she said she likes me, she doesn't really care about me. Deep down I hope that when she has returned, she will text me something, but from the situation I am facing, it seems like that won't happen.

    So I wonder -- Does it important to American women that a person has to show their physical intimate actions/reactions on a date, at least after the first date? We went out four times now (the #1- #3 as mentioned above, I was confused by her) and didn't make out at all. I am about to leave town for months, and she hasn't come back yet. My inside voice thinks it is a good idea to see her again before I fly even though we have already said goodbye. However, I don't want to look like a desperate woman who get attached to her so easily. Lol... Although I may be one.

    What would you do?
     
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  8. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    I think unless you are looking for something more casual, for me, it is the level of conversation that draws me in. It is like you said, with other girls, you communicated often and wanted to tell your stories. Here, well, not so much. If you want to see if there is anything physical between you two then sure, go for another date and make a move. But would that really make you happy?

    I would say I would at least hug a person after the first date. But if it is a person that I have already "met" online and have talked for a while, a lot more could happen on that first date if the in-person meeting gives you all those yummy vibes. Culturally, it is a mixed bag in the U.S. and it all depends. Maybe for the next date, do something more physical, like take her to a dance lesson or a scary movie, lol? But my guess is, you really can do better with someone who shows a lot more interest.
     
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