I was so miserable. I broke down constantly...cried many nights for so many years. I felt trapped in a loveless marriage for over 10 years. I am now separated. I’ve been on my own for over a year now. Uhm... this would be the second separation from him, the last one lasted a year as well. This time there is no going back... He was an alcoholic and clinically diagnosed with NPD and extreemly abusive ie emotionally and physically. I suffered terribly during that marriage. My only escape was being at work I was afraid to go home. I was deeply indoctrinated from a young age. Every decision I ever made was based on what the church expected from me. I had been married for 7 years when she came into my life. It felt like a breath of fresh air after being under for so long. She truly was a good friend. I liked her sarcasm, her sense of humour etc. She would go out of her way to befriend me. She would call me everyday to find out what I was doing at lunch time. Obviously she couldn’t have known what that meant to a lonely soul like mine. I am not sure of the exact moment my feelings changed. Everything was always light and happy and easy then, at first I fell in love with the friendship, the constant texting and the general positive energy of it all. I fell deeply in love with that friendship...As time passed I found myself questioning my identity... when I would have said I was straight before, the black and white lines became blurred. I admitted to myself that I was falling in love with her. I had gained some weight over the years of misery and this inspired me to loose some. I was so happy. I admit that this really was an emotional affair...being married still. I felt like I could tell her anything and she felt the same. It was the first time that I opened up to someone like that. She would sometimes tell me that she had never felt so connected to anyone like she did with me. We both were in cloud nine. My life was such a stark contrast, at home I was dying and there she was like a soothing balm at work and texting me when I wasn’t at work. I had never felt the type of energy I shared with her with anyone. What I felt for her made me realize that I did not love my husband since I had never felt anything like that for him. I married him for the wrong reasons and he turned out to have major issues. Perhaps we both used the marriage as an escape, I don’t know. I had accepted that life was about responsibilities and mine were particularly hard to bear but I had no choice. I let the church dictate so much of how I should live my life. It’s been six years and this situation with her scared me and still does and it confuses me. I thought about this situation and realised that it is doomed. Firstly I don’t know how she really feels about me but I am pretty sure she is straight. I have only ever been with my soon to be x-husband and she is forever dating someone new. If anything this friendship has taught me about myself… My problem now is that I want a clean break, often I try to get over her and focus on raising my 2 kids but with 1 text she has me again and I feel myself falling. I feel so stupid like a love sick teen. I know she is straight and I will never confess my true feelings. Why can’t I shake these feelings off? She has no idea how she consumes me and the positive general impact she has had on my life. But I want truly something that I don’t quite understand and truly scares me. I also wish her to be happy and have no desire to complicate her life. How do I tell her that it hurts too much and I’d rather that she not communicate at all with me? I want to move on from my ending marriage and move on from her. I want to break this friendship off with out being insulting or hurt her.