I feel awful

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Sunny90, Aug 5, 2017.

  1. Sunny90

    Sunny90 Member

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    Some days I want to appear gay, other days I try to hide it as much as I can. Deep down, I really don't want people to know

    Me and a friend are really close, as we are both in the closet and I guess we can relate to each other. I'm really happy we are friends. But I'm constantly worried about our friendship. I like her, a bit. I think she's amazing, so funny, we get along so well.

    Sometimes she will go cold and ignore me a bit. I think both of us are afraid of our closeness being misconstrued as us liking each other. I don't know if this means neither of us are ready, or if we just aren't that into each other. But I'd rather her friendship, than feeling like she is distancing herself to show she doesn't like me. We did kiss while drunk, but we laughed it off. I'm pretty sure I told her how I feel, too. But I was trying to save our friendship, trying to say we are more likely just friends

    is this normal? To have a friendship where you aren't sure what is happening? I just feel bad about it.

    I liked a friend once, and because of it, she shut me out. So I always feel bad when I like girls. And this friend is a bit hot and cold, I don't want it to happen again .. id just feel so guilty
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Please don't feel bad for being gay. Your ability to like a woman is a wonderful thing. The feelings are beautiful in itself. Amorous feelings are a lot of times unrequited whether you are gay or not because you have not found the right person. Being gay definitely can be more difficult because a same sex friend shutting you out. Even if they are not necessarily homophobic, losing a friend who is a girl is heart breaking. I am sorry your friend was so fragile.

    This is what I would advice in making things easier. If someone is into you, like really into you, you'd know. Their interests would be beyond some drunken thing. If you were to confess that you have feelings for someone, make sure that it is someone you really trust your feelings with. Some friends, even if they cannot return your feelings, would not shut you out like that. That is just shitty and immature. So, don't feel bad for you, feel bad for them. You are a caring person and don't deserve any of this.

    You have done nothing wrong. There are so many things people do that I wonder how they sleep at night. But if that is all that is troubling you, a few friends who are just homophobic, I'd sleep like a baby and be very proud that I am navigating my life with honesty. What I am saying, is that I am proud to count you as one of us. :*
     
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    Last edited: Aug 8, 2017
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  3. Sunny90

    Sunny90 Member

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    Wow, greylin that's such a lovely response. I do agree that it's wonderful to love another woman. I suppose I need to adjust to the people who disagree with it.

    In terms of my friend, I haven't heard from her much since. It used to be that we would talk constantly. Maybe she is keeping a distance. Or maybe we just don't need to talk to each other as much. I'll try not to worry, anyway, because I suppose it is out of my control.

    I really, really appreciate your reply. Thank you
     
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