Help what to do!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out' started by Redjane, Jun 7, 2016.

  1. Redjane

    Redjane New Member

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    I'm 34 years old and I was married for 13 years and I'm a mum of 3 gorgeous children.
    Even though I was happy married there was something missing in my life and I wasn't 100% happy with being with a man but I kept telling myself this feeling will go away stop being silly most people would give anything to have a family.
    My husband new towards the end that there was something
    Up with are marriage but still to this day doesn't know the real me and I just didn't have the heart to tell him the truth that Im not into men and into women.
    We separated last year and now he's with someone else.
    I just don't know where to go from here because if I tell my family they will not understand but I'm so unhappy and would like to be myself with somebody but also I have to think of my children! Also the scary thing is how do I start to date women where do I go from here and who is going to except me with 3 children.
    I just don't know what to do!!
     
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  2. mysterious girl

    mysterious girl Active Member

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    The greatest part is accepting who you are...which you have already admitted to. There is nothing wrong with liking both men and women. People do understand that, those who don't need to cope on with it. It is your life, your happiness. Having 3 children does make it more tricky, but it does not have to be the perfect relationship from the beginning. Try dating and take it from there. Eventually, you will find the one who will want you and your children. Do not jump to the conclusion right away when you have only just opened the book :)
    You will know when it is time to share it with your family. Take it one step at a time and try to enjoy life for now.
     
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  3. TheScandinavian

    TheScandinavian Well-Known Member

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    First of all, don't put yourself down. You can't know for sure the standards of other people-some actually want a family and you've got 3 kids (may they be healthy!) so , even if it sounds weird-no IVN etc.. She,whoever she may be, is OUT THERE but it takes some time to find her.

    Now, I am younger than you but coming out is never easy (even in the super positive reactions that some of us get) because people prefer to see us through their prisma-they feel like they know what's best for us and they try to turn us into their little science project, in a sense. Telling them is a risk but you work, you have kids (assuming the father is responsible and pays child support and takes care of the kids more or less) and you have a place to live so you wouldn't be afraid of being kicked out (as most of us have feared or keep fearing).
    Find some support groups near you to brighten your horizon, I suggest. Even if in the beginning you meet friends only, it'd be definitely for the best since you wouldn't feel so alone :)
     
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  4. lucie123

    lucie123 New Member

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    Like said, the biggest part is that you have accepted to yourself what you want in life. Rest all the things will just happen at the right time. I feel you shouldn't be thinking and stressing yourself so much.Just go with the flow.
     
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  5. rainydaze

    rainydaze Well-Known Member

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    Redjane - Your marriage has ended (a year ago) and you are adapting to life as a single mom of three children while co-parenting with their father, who has since moved on to another relationship.
    It sounds like what you do is create a stable, predictable environment for the children. Good for you that you are discovering who you are and what you want...
    you don't need your family of origin's approval for that, you're a grown woman!
    And you don't owe your Ex and explanation in any detail at this point given the relationship with him ended a while ago.

    However, You DO need to keep your kids out of your romantic issues (whether you are dating men or women, does not matter) while you figure things out for yourself. Take it slow, explore what/who is out there in the dating world (online can be an easy start and a way to weed out people who don't want to date people with kids.)
    Figure out what you want, don't rush it....no need to be introducing anyone to your kids until you are serious about someone who is going to be long term and is compatible with you and three children. It takes time. Have fun exploring and enjoy the journey...just don't drag your kids along for the expedition!
     
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