Hi, I'm a cis girl, and I'm 17. I identified as straight for most of my life, although we live in a very open household and any other sexuality would've been perfectly fine. I've never kissed a boy or girl. I've always had crushes on boys, and flirted but when it came time to do anything I've always been extremely scared and ended it. I've also always become fixated on girls that I liked or admired, but I feel like what I always thought was envy was actually a crush. Now that I'm positive that I'm attracted to girls as well I do the same things that I did before with those girls that I wanted to be best friends with. This year has put me in a position where I just don't trust men at all, and find it hard to even have crushes on them. I can sort of fantasize about the ideal man, but lately even talking to them infuriates me. I don't know if what to identify as, or what to do at all. A big issue for me is my lack of experience with anyone regardless of sex. I'm at the age where I feel the pressure of having my 'first time', but I'm not very interested. The more I think about it the less comfortable I feel with the thought of having sex with a guy. I'm confused by that before this year, I had been thinking mainly about men, and hardly (not never) about women. Then when I dream of the future, even the near future, I can see myself with a guy, girl, or even alone. I really do believe that it's my trust issues that are making this so hard, but I didn't realize they could have such an impact on me... I'm so sorry for such a rant, this is something that I've been struggling with lately. I really hope this wasn't too confusing, thank you.