Ex’s birthday

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Bananzajellybean, Jan 24, 2018.

  1. Bananzajellybean

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    So, I’ve broken up with my ex just weeks before her birthday. It was quite a bad break up. She asked me whether I can spend her birthday with her and after that, she will leave me alone. I didn’t want to meet her on her birthday because I wasn’t ready to meet her yet. Also, I don’t want her to have any expectations whatsoever in case I decided to spend her birthday with her. Now, she’s pretty upset telling me that I’ve hurt her so much. I don’t want to feel bad but I don’t want to go soft either and let her have her way. It was a pretty toxic relationship. Now I don’t know what to do and guilt is eating me inside. What should I do?
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    You are under no obligation to spend her birthday with her. She's an ex, pretending anything different isn't a kindness to either of you.
     
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  3. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    You are the president of the the Taking Care Of You Society. You have no obligation to put your ex's feelings before your own needs - and in fact, you should not. At the point you broke up, taking care of her stopped being your job. She has other people in her life (or not - but it's her job to find them) to be her support network and birthday. Your first duty is to care for your own self, and if keeping a distance from this person is what you need to do, do it.

    I would also recommend having a no-contact period. Block her if you need to. It's not fair of her to continue to manipulate you into putting her feelings first, and you deserve space from that noise if you need it.
     
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  4. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    Guilt is a powerful manipulator -- and she knows that. If you spend time with her, you only hurt both of yourselves more in the long run.
     
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  5. Fix Society

    Fix Society Well-Known Member

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    Yikes, sounds toxic already...

    I agree with everyone, manipulating you into feeling bad into doing something you don't want to do doesn't sound like a great way to spend a single day, let alone all the unnecessary drawn out days of hurt...
     
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  6. AEM

    AEM Member

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    hmmm...in time she will understand you, just let her be and go on with your life.
     
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