Blocking an ex? Is it petty....

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Pavement, Oct 31, 2017.

  1. Pavement

    Pavement Member

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    So my ex and I broke up about two months ago. After a very very rocky relationship I called it quits because it was VERY complicated, and I my friends am NOT a complicated person. Once I saw through the fog, it took everything in me to break things off and I did. And it has been wonderful since. Since we broke up, after feeling rather broken because I did miss her but not most of her, I began talking to another girl. It was nice. Fun. Equal! like a relationship should feel. Nothing I ever felt with this other girl. Things were complicated from the beginning and she has a temper problem.

    again, I am not a complicated person neither have I ever been one to complicate myself with complicated people. Seriously, i have great life friendships that I treasure because frankly, I dont make friends with assholes. Im an incredibly nice and 'go-out of-my-way' person and I think that this quality has allowed me to keep great friendships and dispose of those that take advantage of this quality. But this ex, slipped in undetected and after about 6 months of ups and downs.....done.

    We kept contact after the break up. She needed help, I was a phone call away. Not because shes my ex or someone I'd sleep with, but I do this with all my friends. Some of my closest friends told me it was a terrible idea to stay in contact with her because she'd take advantage of this and for a long time I would ignore her call/text and it didnt bother me or her.

    Then maybe a month after the breakup I found out she had started talking to someone else. Which, while it did sting a bit I was happy for her. I had moved on and she deserved it too.

    Well a few weeks ago, she called me and was like hey, I need a friend. So, I listened and to make an already long thread shorter, she basically told me how her and this girl had ended things and how she has never been in a relationship like the one we had. Where someone listened to her and supported her through work and school and all those adult responsibilities that suck. I listened to her for two hours go on about how all the qualities I have are what she needs in another person. While i was flattered, I thought this isnt a good idea. I dont want to complicate things again. And she was like okay, we'll see. but she left me with this idea......

    So I let that soak in for 2 days. Which I HATE wasting time thinking about stuff like this because it distracts me from everything (work/school/family/this other girl i was talking to) When I know in the end we are not healthy for eachother.
    Yesterday she came over to my place so I could help her put some stuff together for work and she told me she was going to try and fix things with this other girl. I thought good, but after she left. I felt empty. Like a total chump. And I suddenly missed her badly and I dont even know why. I feel like, I had cleared my brain of her and she came in with a day of weakness and screwed with my head. She wont stop texting/calling me and I cant seem to stop talking to her and I hate myself for it. But I know shes playing me and I want it to stop. Because I know for a fact, that at this point she needs me more than I need her. She doesnt make me feel good about myself. She was always critical about my education choices because I would rather go to school than go into a position with more pay at my current job, but its not what I want to do. Anyways, Im a generally happy person. Im positive and always put everyone before me and like my friends said....she knows its my weakness and I feel like she used it against me. And she will continue unless I cut off contact. I dont want to block her but she blows up my phone and will call me at insane hours just to talk. Ive already told her, Im done with that and I just want friendship but she doesnt seem to respect it. She still treats us like we're an item and its such a slap in the face to me. Im really debating whether I should block her because I dont know how to say no to her and she knows this. And I hate her for this. Like, It tears me apart that she would do this but I guess Im not surprised. I try and ignore her like I had and it hasnt been working. I want to be clear of mind again and I feel like the only way I will be able to do this is by blocking her number completely. But is that a childish/selfish move? Is that petty of me? I'd love for her to get a taste of her own medicine. (she was very selfish throughout our relationship/childish/abusive) **on the abusive part, yes it got physical. She is a tiny person but packs a punch and she got mad once and tried to hit me. These were red flags I attempted to ignore but I was fed up and now i feel like I took a step back. To block or not to block??? If i was good at ignoring her text/calls I would but that hasnt been working.
     
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  2. Bluenote

    Bluenote Well-Known Member

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    You should have led with "she used to hit me."

    To me, that is game over. You can't be friends with someone who is violent. Yes, block her phone, email, and all forms of social media. Set your sm privacy settings so she can't see your sm stuff through other people, as much as the sm settings allow.

    You do need to move on from her. It's never OK to hit someone (well, except self defense). It's not petty to want someone who is violent, volatile and manipulative out of your life. That is common sense. You need to protect yourself and one of the best ways to do that is to keep away from dangerous head cases.

    She is probably doing the same thing to a few other girls right now. Don't be naive in thinking that you are some important stabilizing force in her life. There is a good chance that she has other girls she is using the same way as she is using you. There is a good chance she tells them all how special they are, or how much she needs them. And why not, it is usually a very effective lie.

    But look at the totality of her actions. Has she been a friend to you (no). Has your relationship been equal (no). Has your relationship been healthy (no). Is your friendship sustainable in the long term (no). Is it ok that she hit you (no). Does she respect your boundaries (no).

    I get that you take pride in being a good friend. Most of the time, that is OK. But some people are just plain scorpions. You can't be friends with them, you will just wind up bitten. She sounds very much like a scorpion. Move on with her and focus your energy on your friends who treat you decent and don't hit you.

    Good luck and I am sorry she treated you so poorly.
     
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  3. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    This. is. classic. manipulation.

    Somewhere I'm thinking that you were with the ex for a total of 6 months (6 months of ups and downs...if it was actually a longer relationship then ignore this part)....and if the relationship was that complicated after only 6 months, then it definitely is/was/will always be the wrong relationship for you. Six months into a relationship you should still be seeing rainbows and puppies -- not punches and complications.

    When someone manages to make you feel like shit instead of making you be the best version of yourself, that's all you need to know not to be involved with that person. This person doesn't even deserve your friendship.

    Block her, move on....because you're getting nothing from her except continued drama and stress.
     
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  4. Duffy

    Duffy New Member

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    She sounds toxic. I think you did the right thing to break off with her and you should block her if she kept coming back to stir things up for you. It is a closed chapter and it should remain closed.

    You deserve better. Find someone who loves, respects and honours who you are. She is out there somewhere.
     
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  5. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    Ya, with everyone here. Yep, trying to hit you was a show stopper and no-friendsies afterwards blocker.

    I also got the same read from you where you like yourself when you are not with her. And dare I say you were not yourself when you were with her? Perhaps that was what was exciting for you, just going out of your skin for a while but drama like that is just not sustainable. I would suggest maybe understanding why she drew you in could help you avoid her and anyone like her in the future. There maybe some more complications, some other things you need in your life but from a good person, there are people out there just like that. That thrilling headiness you get from someone who takes you a bit out of your world does not have to come with someone so damaged. Please don't lose that uncomplicatedness and good-naturedness. :)
     
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  6. lorienczhiu

    lorienczhiu Well-Known Member

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    This is super manipulative, and there are people who (a) are very skilled at reeling you back in, and (b) thrive on the kind of attention/emotional highs-and-lows of this kind of off-again, on-again, meant-to-be-but-star-crossed mess she is trying to cultivate here.

    My stomach actually turned at her reasons for missing you. Allow me to paraphrase: "You were a functional adult who managed my shit for me, and now that you're gone I realize how nice it was to be in a relationship with someone who was kind and supportive and not a hot mess. Please consider putting my with MY mess, including my abuse, so that I can again enjoy your support!"

    Ew. That rollercoaster is exciting and all, and I get why you would miss it, but it's a fucking deathtrap. Block her. Take care of yourself. And don't feel bad about any step you have to take in order to do that, or how it might might appear to your abusive manipulative ex-girlfriend that you are taking those steps. People protecting themselves from manipulative abusers (!) get to be petty if they want to!
     
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