Advice needed: go ahead or stop now?

Discussion in 'Does She Like Me?' started by RiverPlate, Aug 26, 2017.

  1. RiverPlate

    RiverPlate Member

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    It may sound silly, but anyway let me please know what do you think, when you read my story objectively.
    I am a Heath professional in my mid forties, and last year I finally got to the realisation that I am a lesbian (not bi, not curious, not just "in a phase" but a happy, mature, fully realised lesbian woman)
    I am doing great in my professional life, I have a lovely teenage son, and I enjoy the company of a handful of close friends. I am come to terms with myself and my sexual identity.
    Now, I am not out yet. I have only told a single friend, who fully supports it. It is not easy where I live to come out (let's say a South American country), where I work ( a prejudiced and prone-to-gossip group) and definitely not easy within my family, which is quite conservative and definitely condemning the gay way of life.
    I feel great with myself, however, and I have started to read a lot about LGBT, I subscribed to a couple of lesbian mags, I started to figure out what to do with my sexual life now!
    I long for a soulmate -not a bedmate, actually, although bed fun would be welcome too. But spiritual connection seems vital for me.
    I am not the bar type, nor the online dating type, so I really don't know what to do in an effective way to meet a mate within that frame.
    Recently I've met a nice colleague, who is close to my age, smart and really interesting. I have known her for a while and always "sensed" she's also gay, although nobody knows for certain.
    We have been meeting a few times and have had great chats, big fun.
    Nothing physical, not even a touch, some glances maybe but nothing concrete.
    I really feel I like her, and she seems to feel the same, although you can see from what I describe here, that I cannot be sure. If my assumption is correct and she's also gay, neither of us is out and I am not sure how to proceed. Should I open myself to her? It scares me to death to think that I can be mistaken, and this blossoming friendship go to hell just because I let my imagination dream wild.
    Should I look for clues? Which ones?
    Should i stop the daydreaming and stick myself to a plain friendship? (She could be really a good friend, that's clear to me)
    I am a bit confused, because I really like her, but I am not even sure I should expect "something more" .
    What do you think?
     
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  2. greylin

    greylin Well-Known Member

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    You are very smart to hold back to make sure. Sometimes, especially with colleagues and living in a conservative environment you can never be sure. I have met a straight girl who had joke flirted at me and kept going on about wanting to "marry" or sleep with this or that female celebs and she was just joking. Turns out she's quite homophobic and was against legalizing gay marriage.

    So I would bring up any news on gay marriages and some gossips about gay celebs and see what her reactions are. Do it in small doses so it is not so obvious. Good luck to you and I am so glad you have found yourself. :)
     
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  3. RiverPlate

    RiverPlate Member

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    Thank you so much greylin!! You cannot imagine how great it feels, being so far away but anyway having now someone "by my side" giving sound advice!!!
    I'll let you know what goes on.
    Thanks again, I'm so happy to have joined this forum!!
     
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  4. Angela Gee

    Angela Gee New Member

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    I was smiling at this because I could very well be the other woman. I had written before, seeking advice about a similar issue. I have pulled back quite a bit since but still enjoying her company very much. Work has been busy lately also so downtime has been slim. I have now decided not to pursue but rather enjoy it at work (for diff reasons). I think it's rare to find a coworker you truly value and get along with. So if I could give any advice, I'd say go slow and determine whether or not she's someone you had put on a pedestal. When you're sure, it's easier to determine the next course of action.

    Would love to read more, btw. :)
     
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  5. RiverPlate

    RiverPlate Member

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    Hey, it's so great to read from other people that goes/went through the same! I know I am not the only one, but it's always good to "see" it.
    We actually see each other every month or so, because she lives in another town ( my hometown, btw. I travel now more often there because my Mum is sick, and that's when we actually happen to meet!)
    She's a colleague -a doctor, same specialty- and we have never worked together. I know however that's she's really good, responsible, caring and compassionate in her clinical practice. All our colleagues and the rest of the healthcare teams say so,
    She's besides really smart and fun, albeit shy -almost painfully shy.
    I am most of that too ( look at me describing me as "smart"!!) , so I feel really comfortable when we meet, and I sense she does it too. We laugh a lot, she does look relaxed, and having fun too. Some glances and my guts is all I have to think there could be something else. I don't know for sure about her sexual orientation, of course I couldn't ask anybody either.
    And of course I trust my guts, but I am not a teenager anymore
    So, as greylin and you suggest, I will carefully "test the waters".
    Even if nothing romantic happens, I guess a solid friendship with this really interesting woman seems worth the effort of giving it time!
     
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  6. Spygirl

    Spygirl Well-Known Member

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    I second what @greylin said....play it conservative. Living in a country that isn't accepting could be tough for you if your inclinations were ever known. The last thing you want to do is have who you are affect your career -- trust me, as a professional, I had to hide who I was early in my career....but living in the US, and now, having established my own business, I'm not terribly concerned with what other people think of my sexual orientation. Nevertheless, I know the struggle because I was once where you are.

    That being said, I applaud you for having the courage and conviction to realize who you are and to realize you want to live honestly....whatever help we can give you, we are here.
     
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